To the Family Who Will Buy Our House, Whoever You Are

Our house…

…was our castle and our keep.

Madness, 1982

It is late February now. The weather changes from day to day, bright and sunny on Tuesday, windy and stormy by Wednesday. Most of our trees are bare, though we fear these temperature shifts may confuse them into early budding. And we don’t want confusion. We want it all to be perfect. This will be the last spring we will watch the lawn spring to life, the last Mother’s Day weekend Barb will spend planting her brilliant mix of annuals, the last season we will enjoy the magnificent white explosion of the magnolia at the end of the driveway. By spring of next year we will be in our new home, loving it I am sure, but missing this house, the house that has been our castle for so long.

We trust you will enjoy this home and this neighborhood as much as we have. This is the place where our children grew from toddlers to graduate students before heading out on their own. A place of backyard dance parties and Grand Staircase prom pictures. Kitchen table games of “Sorry” as intense as any episode of “Game of Thrones.” Annual Father’s Day driveway basketball challenges against my sister’s family, that always seemed to end with Laury in tears. The chanting of B’nai Mitzvah practices and the tinkling of piano practices. Technology progressing from dial up modem to hardwired home network to whole house WiFi, as Barb and I binged on our favorite anti-heroes: Tony Soprano, Walter White, Jax Teller.

Will you understand the love and care that Barb put into choosing every fixture and floor tile? Will you cherish the master bath light fixture we stumbled on in Las Vegas, the kitchen fixture we discovered while staring through the window of a closed lighting shop on a cold Thanksgiving Day in Charleston, South Carolina? We hope you will appreciate the skill of Stan the Cabinet Man, whose creations support the beautiful marble countertop on the kitchen island. Or maybe you will just like the bones of the house, and will choose to make major changes in the decor. It will be your house, your opportunity. We just hope you are gentle!

We are still debating when to put the house up for sale. Assuming (should we assume?) all goes well, our new Ranch on the Pond won’t be ready until autumn, so we will prefer not to move much before then. But we imagine you are a family with children. You will want to be in your new house by mid-August to take advantage of the great neighborhood schools. We understand– and don’t think for a minute we would be moving out of the Stevenson School District if we still had teens! So we will put the house on the market early, probably a spring real estate listing. Maybe you will see it online, or maybe your realtor will bring you to the house and you will be blown away. Mortgage rates should still be low, so that should be a plus. And who knows, after you see the property you might Google us and come across this blog and maybe that will help convince you to buy. But if the timing is just right, that graceful magnolia at the end of the drive will be in full bloom. And this house will win your hearts.

CORRECTION: The original version of this post stated the Las Vegas fixture was in the dining room. Oops!

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McDonalds Breakfast All Day-What’s the Big Deal?

I always cook with honey…

…to sweeten up the night.

Judy Collins, 1973

You can’t escape their radio ads. It has given their stock price a big boost. Whether you must have an Egg McMuffin or Sausage Biscuit, you can get it at your local Golden Arches any time of day. So what’s special about that? Barb and I have been eating breakfast for dinner for more than 40 years!

It started before we were married, before we even knew each other. Our families both were fans of Walker Bros Original Pancake House in Wilmette. The scent of baked apples and cinnamon from the unworldly apple pancakes would waft out onto Green Bay Road, and the line on Sunday morning would stretch down the sidewalk for blocks and blocks. Both our families craved the massive treat, but neither wanted to brave those long weekend morning lines. So it became an evening delight, after the crowds had wilted away and you could sit and enjoy the gleaming wood tables, the Tiffany Lamps and of course, the mounds of butter and apple slices that made up the signature dish.

After Barb and I married and began our slow, westward migration (Skokie, Niles, Arlington Heights, Long Grove) through the Chicago suburbs, we received a special blessing. It seemed that every time we moved, a new Walker Bros outpost opened within a three mile radius of our new home. They weren’t exactly stalking us, just letting us know that their was no escaping their treats. And though we never stopped enjoying, our tastes, and our waistlines, would slowly evolve with time. The apple pancake became a less frequent visitor on our plates. The kids were born, and for those lucky years while my parents were still alive “The Grand Treat” for grandparents and grandchildren was a frequent order, my mom eating the pancakes, Michael and Laury sharing the accompanying snack size Snickers bar. And my aunt, the skilled artist, would perform her magic rolling the lingonberry stuffed Swedish Pancakes. Their was always the rich brewed coffee for Barb and the almost hot enough tea for me. Once the kids were gone, the Danish Garden, a massive airy pancake filled with Havarti cheese and vegetable chunks became our standby. More recently Barb has discovered the Healthy Start, and I usually satisfy myself with a bacon waffle or pancakes. We know the waitresses, we know the customers, we know our Friday night routine. And a week or two we celebrated a nice evening by revisiting our old friend the apple pancake. It was still delicious.

Now we are moving, or at least have a full concrete foundation in our hole in the ground. We will be 5.7 Google miles from our favorite Walker Bros. A tad beyond our usual 3 mile radius, with a few Mickie D’s in between. But you know what? Walker Bros will still be our destination. Because I will never trade my Walker Bros for a drive through biscuit. Not any time of day!

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Still collecting album titles for our previous music trivia question. Give it a try here.

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Music Trivia Tuesday-What do Neil Young and Neil Diamond Have in Common?

Where did the title to your favorite album or CD comes from? It might be simple, just the name of the artist or band, such as the first album from Boston. Sometimes a Roman numeral gets appended and you have a Chicago II or a Led Zeppelin III. With concept albums, the artist may choose a song that sets out the theme and use that name as the album title. I like The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, and the Eagles’ Desperado and Hotel California albums as examples of that.

But a different type of title intrigues me more. Take a look at Neil Young’s classic 1979 album Rust Never Sleeps. That’s a great line, it sets a tone, but it is not the name of a song. Instead, it is a lyric from “My My Hey Hey,” the number that opens the album. Neil Diamond has done the same thing. His live albums Hot August Night and Hot August Night II grab the opening line of “Brother Loves Traveling Salvation Show” for their titles. Need another example? One of my favorite bands, Steely Dan, named their 4th album Katy Lied. The album contains the song “Dr Wu” with the lyric “Katy lies, you can see it in her eyes.” Not an exact match, but you get the idea. So how many more examples can you think of? And why do you think a lyric good enough to name an album didn’t even wind up as the name of the song? Leave a comment here, or better yet, drop me a line at les.raff@post.com. I am wondering if we can come up with fifteen or twenty examples.

While we are on album title trivia, can you name a band that recorded an album and a song on the album, and all three, the name of the band, the album and the song are the same? That one is pretty easy. But how about an album named for a song or lyric on a previous album by the same artist. You might need your thinking cap to come up with more than one of those.

Feel free to share and pass on this blog. I am curious as to how many albums we can all come up with.

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Would We Still Want To Be On “Family Feud”?

We are family…

…Get up ev’rybody and sing

Sister Sledge–1978

Let’s travel back in time. Four years ago I sat in a cavernous hall in Rosemont with Michael and several nieces and nephews. Here we were, auditioning for “Family Feud.” You remember the show. Back in the mid 1970’s. Richard “Dickie” Dawson, Hogan’s Newkirk, hosting. Schmoozing with the gents and kissing all the ladies, America’s idea of what a proper Englishman should be. “Show me … carrots!” Lots of fun, with an occasional wink-wink from Dawson when an answer had a slightly naughty twist.

That was how I recalled the show. So when Barb heard about a local audition I thought it would be a great family bonding experience. We assembled a squad of five, all of us doctors or lawyers. With Barb as our cheerleader we came to give it a try. It was just like the audition scenes in “A Chorus Line.” Well, not quite. We sat in the audience through mock games played by team after team. White, Black or Hispanic, all the players had two things in common: they jumped up and down a lot, and they were NOT very bright. Asked to name a state with two words in its name, one family produced “Las Vegas,” “New Orleans,” and “Los Angeles” as answers. And they were among the better players. Even the mock announcer seemed a bit stunned at how the auditions were going.

Then came our turn. Five uptight professionals, aged 25 to 55, not a single bounce in our step. Though we aced out the competing family. we didn’t pull off a single high five or butt jiggle. We were duds, and we knew it. We were leaving the hall, heads down, when an assistant producer quietly approached us and asked us to come with her to a side room. We were each told to introduce ourselves into a video camera, and then, amazingly, we were told our family was just what the show was looking for. We signed our waivers and contracts. As we were leaving, I heard the camera man say “Steve will have sooo much fun with those guys!”

Yes, Steve Harvey, comedian, radio host and beleaugured Miss Universe Master of Ceremonies, is now the star of this version of “Family Feud.” And we were more than stiff enough to be a perfect foil for him. We would have been lambs at the slaughter. But over the next few weeks reality struck. It turned out that our jobs, call schedules and travel made it impossible for the producers to schedule us for a taping. We were spared Steve’s blade.

And now word is out. “Family Feud” has become the sleaziest game show on TV. The latest question to raise hackles? “Besides Hooters, what’s another word or words for ‘breasts’ that a bar might call itself.” You can imagine the responses the contestants gave! But I have trouble imagining my nephew, on national TV, saying “Show me ta-tas, Steve.” Maybe it is a good thing we never got to appear. Sometimes you win by losing!

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The Candidates Speak On Education

And I’m never going back…

…to my old school.

Steely Dan-1973

An article in this week’s Time Magazine reexamines the concept of starting high school classes later in the day, to better fit the circadian rhythms of teenagers. Scientific data supports the change, but most school districts find it impossible to make the change for financial or cultural reasons. As a past Board of Education President, I can understand the difficulties these school districts face, though I believe at Adlai Stevenson High School, where I spent my Board time, the push of the community would have been to start classes earlier and keep them going later…and I served BEFORE there was such a thing as a Tiger Mom.

As the political climate heats to a boiling point, Downsize-Maybe decided to interview our presidential candidates on the idea of later starting time for high school classes. A highly edited transcript follows:

DS: Senator Rubio, what are your thoughts on school start times?

Marco Rubio: Late starts could never work in Florida. We need our high school students to begin class early and finish by 2 pm so they can go to their restaurant jobs. Don’t forget, Early Bird dinners start at 3. We need our youngsters ready to serve! And except for Miami the whole state closes at 9 pm anyway, so the kids should be able to get plenty of sleep.

DS: Governor Christie, we know you are pulling out of the race, but before you leave what do you think? Should New Jersey push back school start times?

Chris Christie: I have already accomplished that. I just close down the expressways so the kids can’t get to school before 10 in the morning. They can get loads of shut eye on the bus.

DS: Governor Bush, should high school children start school later in the day? Governor Bush? GOVERNOR BUSH???

Jeb! Bush: Sorry, I was just dozing off there. And I think sleeping high school students is a problem. You know my sister-in-law Laura was a teacher. She is just one of the fabulous Bush family who strongly support my candidacy for President of the United States of America. Let’s seem, there is my father George, he was a President. And my brother George, HE was a President. And my mother Barbara, she SHOULD have been a President. Now what was your question again?

DS: Senator Sanders, what is your opinion on this important matter.

Bernie Sanders: I have thought about this very very very carefully. The kids all love me. I’ll give em all the schooling they need, and all for FREE. Let ’em wake up whenever they want as long as they vote for good old Uncle Bernie.

DS: Governor Kasich, what time should high school classes start?

John Kasich: Let’s just all be friends, can we?

DS: Senator Cruz, would you like to weigh in?

I categorically object to the idea that the current President has the right to appoint a new time for high schools to start class. Never in over 200 years of this country has a lame duck President changed school start times. I am not even sure he is the President.

DS: Senator Clinton, early or late school day start?

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I supported education. When I was a Senator I supported education. When I was Secretary of State I supported education. When I was a woman I supported education. NONE of my opponents have been all those things. And if you don’t believe me, just check my email server.

DS: And finally Mr. Trump, do you have any thoughts to add?

Donald Trump: I’ll tell you what I am going to do. My first day in office, I am gonna cancel school. Not just for one day, for ten days. We will have a party. It will be huuuuge. And then the whole world will know that America is great again! And oh, don’t forget to wake up Governor Bush.

DS: Thank you candidates. You have all been illuminating. I can’t wait to vote!

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In other news, good weather means we should be pouring more concrete soon. And American Airlines has stepped up to the plate with some vouchers. Life is good!

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Timeshare Hat Trick: How We Wound Up With A House, A Hole, And A Week

Vacation, all I ever wanted…

…vacation, had to get away.

The Go-Gos, 1982

You know about the house and the hole. We have lived in and loved the house for almost twenty six years. We have such wonderful memories, when the time comes it will be hard to say goodbye. But we know it will make a new homeowner very happy, and for me it is time for a change. When will the move come? As of now, we really can’t predict. Sad to say, the hole in the ground is still just a hole in the ground. Concrete footings have been poured, some additional forms put up, but the cold weather has hampered progress. There is a payment due though, so there must be something happening, somewhere!

Now, about “The Week.” You may have noticed the blog took a brief hiatus. Barb and I were with friends in Mexico at a wonderful resort in Cabo St. Lucas on the Baja Peninsula. We walked on the beach, we sunned, we played tennis every morning. I swam in at least 4 different pools, and could have chosen from 2 or 3 more. Whales spouted below our balcony. We chowed at funky places on the beach, and dined at exquisite restaurants under the stars. We rated the Margaritas where ever we went; some of them were as good as my homemade ones. And how incredible those stars were! Without the distraction of urban lights, the constellations glowed in the sky. For the first time I understood what the ancients saw when they imagined Orion, a giant hunter, in the sky.

But then there was the one day that had to be devoted to “The Pitch.” The Pitch is hard to avoid at these resorts because the resort world is timeshare world. Buy a week and vacation in luxury forever. The hard sell started with a soft sell, just a buffet breakfast, a sales rep joining us and our friends. “Getting to know you” chatter, followed by questions designed to ferret out our vacation styles, our family size, and our pocket book limits. Barb and I have been through it before and played the game, with no intention of going beyond that.

After breakfast, the rep led us to a golf cart and began the tour of all the resort properties. I hate to admit to it, but Barb and I were amazed. Beautiful multi-level individual homes, with private pools, saunas, chef’s kitchen, and even a chef, available for a price. The various levels of property one or two steps down from the houses were also quite nice, as were the various suites in the main buildings. At some point the rep must have realized he might have a couple of fish on his line.

When we returned to the sales office, the push to buy began. “Which property interests you?” “Buy today and get double resort points. ” “This week we have a special offer.” The low key sales rep was replaced by sales manager. It was just like a car dealership. Still Barb and I resisted. We down want to be tied down to any one property or group of properties. We want to see the world. We have other expenses. We said no, no, no. And then The Closer arrived. Brian Urlacher on steroids. Talking fast, talking loud, laughing at all his own jokes. Making pledges and promises. “You like those private homes? I will guarantee you get one whenever you want. Don’t want to use all your points? I will give you twice as many as you need. Once a day maid service isn’t enough? My wife will stop by every afternoon to do the dishes.” This man could SELL.

And we cracked. Our self control had crumbled in the hot Mexican sun. And that is why we are proud owners of 7 days of time share, 300 annual resort points, and membership in Upscale Resorts of the World. So it looks like a lot of family vacations are in our future. Kids, pack your bags!

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Another Letter To Doug Parker, American Airlines CEO

Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane…

…ain’t got time to take a fast train.

The Letter

The Box Tops, 1967

Hey Doug,

You may recall that I used this blog to lay out my frustration with American Airlines’ handling of our family trip to Miami in December. Of course my letter to you was just for venting, my real request for action from the airline was in a separate, snail mail document, complete with appropriate attachments. Bopping through your website it wasn’t easy to find a way to submit my request, so I elected to send it to the “Refund” Department. It must have been a bad choice on my part, because I still haven’t gotten my refund, or even acknowledgement that my refund request was received and was being investigated. So Doug, I am reprinting my letter here, with a couple of names and numbers redacted. But you can give me a call, I am in the book!

American Airlines
Attention: Passenger Refunds
4000 E. Sky Harbor Blvd.
Phoenix, AZ 85034

January 9, 2016

RE: Record Locator xxxxxx

To Whom It May Concern:

On December 20, 2015 our family of 4 was scheduled to fly first class non-stop from Chicago to Miami on flight 1611 with full fare tickets (see attachment #1). This flight was cancelled. We were subsequently routed from Chicago to Detroit on December 20, finishing our travels with flight 1448 from Detroit to Miami on December 21.

As evidenced by attachment #2, Lester Raff and xxx xxxx did not receive first class accommodations on the flight from Detroit to Miami. No refund was offered.

Other relatives travelling a similar original itinerary (record locator xxxxx) received $xx per passenger vouchers for the change from first class to economy. I expect the same vouchers for our unreimbursed change of accommodations.

Please mail the vouchers to me at the above address, or email to lesraff@comcast.net

I thank you for your prompt attention.

Sincerely,

Lester J. Raff

Hope to hear from you soon, Doug. If not, we do have another home town airline!

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