Why do we never get an answer.

When we’re knocking at the door.

Moody Blues–1970

Jeopardy, It’s Academic, Three for Free. Yes, questions and answers (or is it answers and questions?) are in my blood, and unlike most medicine, even cross my blood-brain barrier. So I was intrigued when my buddy Roger asked me if I wanted to join his team for an evening of pub trivia challenge. “It’s at a dive bar,” he warned, “but you will have a good time.”

Now Roger and I don’t always agree on what a good time is, but since the invitation coincided with a “bye” night in my Thursday tennis league, I decided to give it a try. After a tough day in the lab, I fought the construction traffic on I-90, navigated a few detours and wrong turns, and made it out to East Dundee, not far from that old family favorite, Santa’s Village. Meeting up with Roger for a bar burger and a brew, he gave me the low down on what to expect. The rules, the rituals, and the characters. But even forewarned, I wasn’t quite prepared.

Wandering among the tables was the Adjudicator. Sporting a monogrammed judicial robe, long silver blond hair and a well lined face, this was the master of ceremonies, giver of clues, and hurler of barbs and insults. He is also the Keeper of the Names. Every regular player eventually earns a nickname. There is Irish Mike, Ms Jeopardy, Family Doc, Thirteen, my teammates Driller and Two-Wheels, and twenty or so more players whose names I could not keep track off. As a newbie I was not officially entitled to a name, but after I earned the Adjudicator’s respect with a well timed Alex Trebeck jab, I soon progressed from “PathDoc” to “Dr. No-Name”, to a mutually satisfying “Dr. NO”.

At 7:45 my $7 entry fee was collected, the Adjudicator mumbled a few comments and before I realized it, the contest had begun. Some questions were barked, some were whispered, all were accompanied by a never ending flow of shtick and banter. The crowd knew what to expect and how to respond, screaming out “Nine” in unison for the ninth question of each round, chanting “cities” when that word was mentioned. No Bingo caller ever had a more appreciative audience.

We played six or seven rounds of 10 questions each, some rounds centering around a specific topic (Gene Wilder movies, the Cubs), others more random. There was a “sounds” round which teammate Roger aced, and a picture round of nine public figures, each flashing their middle finger at someone. The 10th picture in this round was the appropriately named Dita Von Teese, whose curves apparently make an appearance at each night of trivia. I admit to costing my team a point during the picture round, convincing my teammates that the lady rocker in picture 8 was Linda Ronstadt, while the correct answer was Grace Slick. How could I have thought sweet Linda would be giving anyone the bird?

Despite my Ronstadt-Slick blunder, at the end of the evening the Official Scorer declared our team the champion with 69 points.  Each member of the foursome raked in a cool $24. Barely enough to cover dinner and the entrance fee, but as Roger predicted, I did have fun.  And $24  easily surpasses my lifetime tennis earnings…

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Just like Apple, I think cords suck. Long before the Lords of Cupertino decided to remove the headphone jack from the newest iPhone,  I determined that the best way not to tangle with cords when I run was with Bluetooth headphones. Being a diligent market researcher I polled the Web for rankings of various wireless headphones for runners. The rankings led me to the Swedish company Urbanears and their Hellas model. Easy enough to order online, and within a week or so my shiny blue ‘phones had arrived, were synced up with the iPhone and I was able to run cord-free. Heaven!

A few months later I noticed that one of the ear cushions for the Hellas was missing. Since we were busy packing up  before the interim move, the house looked like a tornado had hit, and I could not find the ear cushion in all the debris. I’ve lost or worn out ear cushions with previous headphones, and can usually replace them with a quick order for new cushions on Amazon Prime.  Total cost, about $5. But with Urbanears, I couldn’t find the right cushion on Amazon, so I emailed the manufacturer directly. Following is the slightly edited transcript of the subsequent multiple email communications.

Me: Dear Urbanears: I have lost one of the ear cushion from my recently purchased headphones and would like to buy a replacement. Can you tell me how to do order a set?

Urbanears: Dear Sir: We regret to inform you we do not sell the ear cushions individually. However, you may be eligible for a warranty replacement of the headphones. Please send us documentation of your purchase.

Me: Dear Urbanears: Attached please find a copy of my purchase order. I really just want a new cushion.

Urbanears: Dear sir: We are pleased to inform you that based on your purchase order you are eligible for a warranty replacement of your headphones. Please send us a picture of your headphones demonstrating the problem.

Me: Dear Urbanears: Please see the attached picture of my headphones. The red arrow points out the fact that I really did lose a cushion. Wouldn’t it be easier just to send me a couple of new ones?

Urbanears: Dear Sir: Thank you for the photograph. We agree that you are missing a cushion. We are pleased to tell you that you have met all our requirements and sent us all the evidence to enable us to send you replacement headphones. In order to expedite this please do the following. Grasp your headphones, bend at the right hinge and snap off the entire earpiece. Then please cut all wires leading to the earpiece and cut them. Send us a photograph that also includes the date of destruction.

Me: Dear Urbanears: Attached is the photo you requested (see above.) It broke my heart to assassinate a perfectly good set of headphones when all I really needed was a cushion, but I guess you have your Swedish socialist business model instead of our capitalist one. Long live the EU!

Urbanears: Dear Sir: Thank you for the photograph. Your new headphones are on their way to you. It is a pleasure doing business with you and we hope to keep you as a valued customer.

Two days later I received the new headphones. My only problem now is getting the iPhone Bluetooth to sync with them. And oh yeah, I found the missing cushion in my gym bag…

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It’s just apartment house sense,

It’s like apartment house rents,

Remember one man’s ceiling

Is another man’s floor.

See that picture? That is our new house. One thing you may notice immediately is that it is not in “move-in” condition. It is coming along. The stucco, the last phase of the exterior, is in the process of being applied. The interior has a fresh coat of primer on all the walls, and that goes a long way toward making the house look like our future home. Architectural details are being finalized for the staircases, the deck is being planned, floor boards have been delivered, and there is talk that the HVAC will be installed soon. So there is definite progress. But we closed on the old Long Grove home last week, so we faced moving day, and the beginning of our stay in our apartment-away-from-home.

It was a hard week, both physically (95% of our belongings packed for storage, 4% donated or junked, the rest transported by us to the apartment), and emotionally (deciding what you will need for the next three months, tearfully saying goodbye to your home of 26 years).

The interim apartment is a furnished two-bedroom “executive” apartment in a low rise building complex. It is a mixed bag.

• The apartment is on the first floor, so it was an easy move in and easy to walk Max-BUT  not much privacy.
• The apartment is furnished so we didn’t need to bring much other than our clothes-BUT we still brought too much “stuff” so had to store a lot of boxes at Michael’s house.
• The apartment was freshly painted and power cleaned-BUT for the first week the paint fumes and cleaning solvent smells were migraine headache inducing.
• The commutes to work for me and for one of Barb’s jobs are shorter-BUT it is a longer drive for Barb’s two day a week position.
• We found some nice walking paths-BUT the overhead high tension power lines may mutate us as we walk.
• Cable TV is provided, and I was able to hook up Netflix and Amazon-BUT the apartment is very dark and somewhat drab.
• Kitchen space is limited-BUT Sunset Foods has plenty of prepared meals.

So, dear friends, what can you do to help us pass this time? Send us some good recommendations for binge TV watching, and meet us at Walker Brothers or Wildfire for dinner. Early and often!

 

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