You can talk about your Twinkies. You may hustle for a Ho-Ho. And I’ll admit I have pined for a Pop-Tart or two (blueberry, unfrosted, untoasted, please.) But the childhood craving that is always knocking at the door is the one for Oreo Cookies. Those two, crispy, cardboardy, chocolate wafers, that pseudo-cream white stuff in the middle–heaven was a twist, a lick, and a bite. The grainy brown coating on my tongue was proof of indulgence. Calories didn’t count, saturated fats were smiled upon, and worrying about the glycemic index was decades in the future. Sure, I might wind up with a mild sugar buzz, but that was part of growing up.

In those days Oreo was a product of National Biscuit Company, Nabisco.  Nabisco is still around but is now a part of Mondelez International, headquartered here in the northern suburbs. And as reported in yesterday’s Tribune, Mondelez is undergoing some shake-ups.  A pair of top officers, Roberto Marques and Dana Anderson, are on their way out, separation packages and stock options in tow.

Not being an avid reader of financial reports or stock analyst newsletters, I am in the dark as to what precipitated the purge. Wikipedia lists at least 60 varieties of Oreos. Was one of those the downfall? Did Fireworks Oreos, with their blue and red popping candy explode in the wrong person’s mouth? Did Swedish Fish Oreos swim afoul of proposed import-export tariffs? Or did the FDA get around to perusing the nutritional composition of Triple Double Oreos as closely as it scrutinizes newly developed laboratory tests, and put a big black box warning on the label:  “Warning-Consumption of these cookies may lead to immediate death by disgust”?

The Tribune article reports that former Executive Vice President Marques is receiving a separation package of $895,000. That doesn’t seem an incredibly big settlement for a hot shot from a company with almost $26 billion in sales in 2016. But I like to think of it in terms of a stack of Double Stuff Oreos, reaching up to the sky. Would that stack reach the clouds, the stratosphere, the moon? And double that stack if Target was having a BOGO sale. Let’s hope there would be no Firecracker Oreos in the mix. A few explosions and we might wind up with a nation covered in granular brown dust. And that’s way too much for me to lick off by myself. Care to help?
—–
Like what you read here? Add your name to our subscription list below. No spam, I promise!

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }
/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.
We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */

//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=’EMAIL’;ftypes[0]=’email’;fnames[1]=’FNAME’;ftypes[1]=’text’;fnames[2]=’LNAME’;ftypes[2]=’text’;}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

Do I smoke? Not since I lit up a Muriel Cigar in high school, lured in by Muriel pitch woman Edie Adams. Do I drink? Wine with dinner, beer with pizza, Margarita’s for Fathers Day and a good Scotch with my friends, but really nothing overboard or hepatotoxic. Do I do drugs? Not a pill or a puff. Legalize weed wherever you want, my one or two teenage experiences just made me sleepy. BUT…ask me a trivia question and I can feel the needle entering my arm, the obsession coursing through my veins.

Nothing new about this. There was Jeopardy and It’s Academic and Trivial Pursuit. I have bragged about elevating a pub trivia team from the brink of despair. And I can’t forget being a five time winner on WXRT’s “3 for Free” trivia contest, even if there probably aren’t THAT many listeners at 6:40 in the morning. But these habits are as manageable as my Margaritas. I can quit any time.

And then I stumbled on Sporcle, a website built to ensnare hopeless factoid freaks like me. And to put it bluntly, OH MY GOD. An endless stream of unnecessary trivia, with everything from match games to map games. Who said this, who starred in that? Which book came first, which author doesn’t belong? A rainy afternoon can turn into a marathon of right and wrong answers, with no penalties for going down the tubes. In this trivia wormhole time has no meaning. Questions pop up at the speed of light, new challenges never stop flowing.

I suppose the website does some ranking of players. I wouldn’t know, I haven’t stopped answering quizzes long enough to check. And I really don’t care where I rate. I am there for the rush, the first jolt of adrenaline when my brain finds the answer and my fingers hit the keys. And it’s all perfectly legal in 50 states, and not just for medicinal purposes!

Are you Sporcle material too? I’ve created two quizzes to get you started. The first measures how well you have been following our lives in the “Downsize-Maybe” blog. The second is a bit of musicana trivia for those who like it live. Just press the green tabs. Have fun!

———————

What song is each of these spoken lines associated with in a “live” recording?

Like what you read here? Add your name to our subscription list below. No spam, I promise!

___

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }
/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.
We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */

(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=’EMAIL’;ftypes[0]=’email’;fnames[1]=’FNAME’;ftypes[1]=’text’;fnames[2]=’LNAME’;ftypes[2]=’text’;}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

photo credit: Leo Reynolds <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/49968232@N00/12364944″>question mark ?</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

Laury and Alex’s wedding is one month from today.  RSVPs are being counted. Dresses are being formed, fitted and accessorized; tuxedos are coming out of hanging bags and sent to Zenglers Dry Cleaning to be pressed. Rehearsal dinner and morning after brunch, both courtesies of the groom’s family, are planned.

We have picked the pictures for the video montage and found the perfect music. The decor is almost finalized.  The selection of the passed hors d’oeuvers is complete, the menu for the wedding dinner is set, and the place cards are on order. We have previewed the set list with the band leader, who has also mentioned he may be able to add in a world famous drummer for the gig–we will pass on that little extra expense.

Laury is researching the perfect late night treats. The kids are working on their dance moves and Barb and I are trying to remember ours. The hairstylists and makeup artists are scheduled. I have my pre-wedding haircut in my calendar although Tina my stylist asks me why I am bothering. “After all,” she says, “it is all about the bride and the bride’s mother. No one will ever be looking at you.”

All in all, quite a bit different from Laury’s Bat Mitzvah, 17 years ago this month. Laury did a great job that day, reading Torah and leading worship. But the Bat Mitzvah had only one day of celebrations. There was only one set of families to include. Instead of a society florist, we had a Jungle Kingdom theme with a pre-dinner visiting animal menagerie. There was no band; we hired a fast-talking New York style DJ who promised he wouldn’t do anything to embarrass us and then walked on the edge.

It was a fun party, we were proud of Laury, but for a family that had never made religion a centerpiece of our life, it had the feel of very much ado about…not so much. After a few days, the significance had passed. Despite that, the video is still fun to watch.

No matter how much work and energy is spent in the next month, no matter how much stress there is now, and how much elation there will be that weekend one month from now, we hope the kids remember one thing. Unlike the Bat Mitzvah, it is the marriage, much more than the wedding, that counts. As both sets of parents can tell them, the significance of the wedding day will never pass, the commitment goes on and on and with each day becomes stronger. This is a life changer.

But we still hope the video will be fun to watch!

——

Like what you read here? Add your name to our subscription list below. No spam, I promise!

___

#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }
/* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block.
We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */

//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]=’EMAIL’;ftypes[0]=’email’;fnames[1]=’FNAME’;ftypes[1]=’text’;fnames[2]=’LNAME’;ftypes[2]=’text’;}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);

photo credit: FestivitiesMN <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/38227433@N04/20261961825″>Radisson Blu – Wedding – July 2015</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;