A Few Thumbs Up Go Along Way These Days

Tough times make opportunities to step up. So some thumbs up are in order.

Thumbs Up: Political Showcase Division

Has there ever been a more Laurel and Hardyesque appearing duo than JB Pritzker and Lori Lightfoot? The rotund Governor and the tiny dynamo of a Mayor talk sense while neither downplaying the severity of the state’s and city’s situation or pushing us to panic. We may not need all those beds at McCormick Place now, we may wish it was filled with conventioneers instead of the Army Corps of Engineers, but there is some comfort in knowing the City that Works still works, and the state is right behind. Keep up the good work Governor, and we may forgive you for those ripped out toilets at the mansion.

Thumbs Up: Product Placement Divison

Remember our missing puzzle piece? The puzzle is a product of Ravensburger, a German company with a customer service division in New Jersey. We emailed them about our 99.9% puzzle, and a day later received a pleasant response from Asley, a customer service rep. We are being offered a choice of another copy of the same puzzle (no guarantee it won’t have the same problem, she says) or a brand new puzzle of our choosing. All we have to do is mail in the barcode from the box with the defective puzzle and the name of any puzzle we would like in replacement. Our “code” is in the mail and while we know that puzzles are in a tight supply right now we look forward to one day receiving 1000 pieces of “Disney Vintage Posters” or “The Beatles: Albums.”

Thumbs Up: Travel Division

Isn’t it ironic? Last fall Barb and I booked a tour of China and Hong Kong for this May. At the time, my main concern was the student demonstrations in Hong Kong. We knew by February that we would not be making our trek around the world but wanted to see how our travel partners would handle the situation. The good guys? United Airlines sent an email yesterday, giving me the option of changing my flight or canceling at no cost. The United website couldn’t handle the cancellation, but a call to customer service (minimal on-hold time) resolved the situation. No fees, no penalties, no remorse. Sometimes I’m glad United is our Hometown Airline.

Our other travel partner, tour originator Abercrombie & Kent, we are not so happy with. Even though the tour is canceled, they refuse to refund our deposit. Credit towards a future trip in the next year just isn’t the same as having that money in our pockets. Bad PR for them and I wonder how many travel companies will survive. At least we were not on a cruise. Those poor people…

Thumbs Up: Internet Division

I’m not plugging any particular spot here. Just a thumbs up to the miracle of connectiveness. Through the wonders of technology, Barb can play Mahjong with her friends and have her book clubs, I can have virtual laboratory meetings and contribute answers to my team on Remote Pub Trivia Night (Weezer, Baja Men, and Brooke Shields were my winners this week,) and the family can anticipate our interactive virtual Seder next week. It’s not quite being there–but it is still a blessing.

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photo credit: tricky (rick harrison) Woo via photopin (license)

Haiku for Our Times: COVID 19 Edition

Sometimes 17 syllables are all you need–or all you can say.

Overwhelming

COVID Virus
I look for it on Google
Find 10 billion hits.

Interconnection

The world is not flat
Despite Thomas L. Friedman
It’s a petri dish.

Leading

Rick Grimes is gone
Don’t need him for a hero
No zombies are here.

Isolation

Quarantined, alone
No way to spend a birthday
Or any day, at all.

Educate

Who will teach the kids
To read and write and do math
The teachers silently weep.

Laboratory

Yes we still work here
Corners echo with shadows
Of what is to come.

Helping

I don’t have any masks
Can’t fix a respirator
I can donate blood.

Hope

World outside frightens
Now not the time to panic
Think of life ahead.

Hate

It’s not a China
Virus that will consume us
But lack of the heart.

Sport

Tom Brady moves
From Patriots to Jaguars
No one gives a damn.

Life

James Bond goes away
Not defeated by a spy
Just by a little speck.

Remember

Love those who love you
Do the best for those who don’t
Golden Rules still count.

For Haiku for month two click here.

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Biden and Sanders Serenade

To the tune of Frere Jacques, with apologies to Allan Sherman

Joe Biden:

Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders
How are you? How are you?
Your numbers are all fading
Your chances are degrading
What to do? What to do?

Bernie Sanders:

Joseph Biden, Joseph Biden
What’s with you? What’s with you?
You romped in Illinois there.
The Jew lost to the goy there.
Nothing new. Nothing new.

Joe Biden:

Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders
Here’s a clue, here’s a clue.
It’s time for you to drop out
Your chances are on lockout
Your fans too few, your fans too few

Bernie Sanders:

Joseph Biden, Joseph Biden
I’ll pursue, I’ll pursue
My fight for nomination
For the country’s highest station
Until I’m blue, until I’m blue.

Joe Biden:

Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders
Tell me true, tell me true.
What do I have to do here?
For you to make support clear.
And join my queue, join my queue.

Bernie Sanders:

Joseph Biden, Joseph Biden
Here me through, here me through
To win all of my voters
Be a socialist promoter
That’s what to do, what to do.

Joe Biden:

Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders
I won’t be cruel, won’t be cruel.
No college day’s tuition
For those who get admission
To a school, to a school.

Bernie Sanders:

Joseph Biden, Joseph Biden
That’s no miscue, no miscue.
Now get them all some healthcare
And end this virus nightmare
That’s my view, that’s my view.

Joe Biden:

Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders
I’ll say anew, say anew.
The thing we’ve got to do, Bern
Is limit Trump to one term.
Tell him adieu, tell him adieu

Bernie Sanders:

Joseph Biden, Joseph Biden
I’m with you, I’m with you
With Amy or Kamala
You’ve got to beat that fella
He’s no Nehru, no Nehru

Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders together:

Joseph Biden, Bernie Sanders
Here’s to you. Here’s to you.
If we can work together
We’ll beat this stormy weather
And Trump too, and Trump too.

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Joe Biden, I Feel Your Pain. I Get Tongue Tied Too!

The dust may be starting to settle. Potential candidates are dropping like flies, and only the two old white guys remain. The ladies-gone. The minorities-gone. The LGBTQ-gone. Any mixture of the above-gone.

So I have to consider my options. Do I like the shouting grampa or the bumbling grampa? If both are still sticking around (and I assume they will be) when the Illinois Democratic primary rolls around, which way will I lean?

Sorry, Bernie–you won’t be getting my vote. It’s not only that I don’t like your politics, and that I think you would be a disaster in the November election; for yourself, for the party, and for the country. And it isn’t only that I am a moderate-centrist who believes that incremental actions can lead to real change. Besides all that, I’ll vote for Biden because Joe, I feel your pain!

No, not the pain you have felt from the terrible tragedies of losing Neilia, Naomi, and Beau (though I have lost a sister, and have at least a glimmer of an understanding.) What you and I share is the marked tendency to put our foot, or sometimes both feet, into our respective mouths and just say the darndest thing.

Your sentences are often meandering, your nonsequiturs can be conversation stopping, and your mix-ups downright confounding. But I know just how you feel. So many times I open my mouth, and the words that tumble out just don’t match the ideas circling in my brain. I’m not sure if it is because I am speaking too quickly, or because I am thinking thought #12 while still enunciating thought #10. Maybe I lose my concentration just as I am about to make a grandiose statement.

But sometimes even I am amazed by the things I say. You know how Joe B. mixed up his wife with his sister while introducing them at his victory rally in California on Super Tuesday? Well, when I tell a story I may confuse my daughter with my daughter-in-law, my grandkids with my nephews, or my neighbors with their pets (is Boomer the woman across the street or is it her dog or are neither named Boomer?) Yes, I can even confuse myself.

I have seen the look of horror on Barb’s face as she steps in to correct some of my verbal gaffes. I have seen the puzzled look on my kid’s faces as they try to decipher a story I am telling about “your mother’s cousin’s grandson’s second cousin.” Sleepy Joe could not have confused it better.

I don’t share a stuttering issue with Joe, but I have been known to mumble a bit. The result is the same, a failure to communicate. It can certainly be “flustrating.”

So Joe, you weren’t my first choice for the Democratic nomination, but now I am publicly throwing my support your way–to you, to moderation, and to success. Neither of us may be able to say it, but as long as I can type it, it should come out clearly!

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For What It’s Worth-Revisited

In the 1960s we had protest songs. We had Dylan, we had McGuire, we had Country Joe. Pete Seeger was temporarily banned for Big Muddy and Roger Daltry stuttered to his generation. And we had Buffalo Springfield. Stephen Stills, Neil Young, Richie Furay, et al, asking what it was all worth. The harrowing lyric “Step out of line, the men come and take you away.”

Anne and I thought it was time to give those lyrics an update–of course, our lyrics are from a lefty point of view. I hope Stephen doesn’t mind.

For What It’s Worth

2020

Strange things are happening here.
What they are is abundantly clear.
There’s a man, with a blond head of hair,
Driving me and my friends to despair.

You know it’s time we stop.
Blue states, coming round.
Need someone,
To knock him down.

Mods and Left are fighting long.
Want to know which side you belong.
Primary fights – it’s such a grind,
It’s no wonder Joe Biden was outshined.

It’s time we stop.
Blue states, coming round.
Need someone,
To knock Trump down.

There’s some love now for young Pete.
With Amy’s troops he will compete.
But Bernie’s Bros thinks it’s their time,
While Bloomberg’s bucks have him solid on cloud nine.

We better stop.
Blue states, coming round.
Just one chance,
To knock Trump down

For more years of this “bleep”.
Consequences way too steep.
Don’t want Trump leading my parade.
Make him mad you know he’s gonna make you pay.

We better stop.
Blue states, coming round.
Or Constitution’s
Coming down.

We better stop.
Blue states, coming round.
It’s our best chance,
To knock Trump down.

Stop now….

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I Collect Tees. How About You?

Are you a collector? Some people collect valuable things like stamps and coins. Some people collect trinkets from around the world, things like beer mugs or thimbles. Not me. I want things I can use, things with no value but the sentimental kind. I collect tee shirts and running shirts from wherever I can get my hands on them.

My closet has shelves and shelves of the colorful tops that make up my collection. A green tee from the Hawaiian islands shares space with a blue one from the Florida Keys on my “to be worn to the pool” shelf. An aqua tee from a fine Mexcian resort rests comfortably waiting for our next visit to Cabo. For sports-themed days at the lab I can pull out a Paulie Konerko or José Abreau White Sox tee, while psychedelic days have a couple of tie-dyed options.

But my running/work-out shirts are the heart of my collection. Short-sleeved tees, in cotton or some of the slicker sweat-wicking type of fabrics, dominate one wall. At least half of them are blue–a combination of UroPartners tops, spanning most of the 15 years here at the lab, and SeaBlue shirts from the annual UsToo Lincoln Park Run for prostate cancer support, education, and advocacy. (Yes, in a few months I will be asking you for a donation before this September’s run. Have your credit cards and checkbooks ready.)

Beyond all the blue, the variety starts. Shirts from multiple 4th of July 5K races in Lincolnshire, including a hideous neon green number. There’s a recent addition, a gray shirt from last year’s Labor Day Stampede in Buffalo Grove, where I powered down the homestretch like a buffalo myself, intent on maintaining my short lead on my daughter-in-law. A late kick I didn’t know I had.

A kick that also came in handy in some Northwestern University 4.1 mile “Runs for Walk” honoring their late football coach Randy Walker. Those are the source of my princely purple tees. Two other favorites are shirts picked up on our annual guys’ baseball trips: a blue Milwaukee Brewers shirt that made up for the massive traffic jam getting into the parking lot at Miller Park, and a gray and yellow Andrew McCutchen tee from Pittsburgh’s PNC Park, a beautiful stadium nestled along the Allegheny River. Andrew doesn’t play there anymore, but I still like the shirt.

Various fitness centers are well represented. A pair from the Buffalo Grove Rec Center are joined by a gray Charter One shirt, and a marvelously soft bright orange tee from Lifestart Fitness, my current favorite Westchester spot for cardio after work. To round out the collection, there are a few shirts that I have gotten as gifts, a Nike “Just Do It” one always reminding me to give it my all.

For running in the cool of the evening, I have a few long-sleeved tees, memories of long ago 10K races in Highland Park. The last of those, the 2002 trot, ended with bananas and Carol’s Cookies at the finish line, and, oh yeah, two stress fractures in my right leg. No, I haven’t run a 10K since.

Over time and many workouts and washings, some of my favorites have just withered away. But as long as I keep on going, the shirts will keep on coming. They mean more to me than a thimble ever could.

So what do you collect? What means something to YOU?

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A Loud Lady Tells The World How To Beat Trump

Hi, it’s Anne. Remember me?

I couldn’t watch either of the big events. No, I couldn’t watch him preen at his State of the Union address, though I did see the SloMo replay of Nancy shredding paper a few dozen times. And I couldn’t watch the impeachment farce vote. All that hypocrisy.

But what comes next? Along with the Iowa Caucus fiasco, the whole march to a never-going-to-convict impeachment reminded me of how clueless the Democratic party can be. Need more examples? Remember the Affordable Care Act rollout? Remember Hillary’s campaign?

My problem is that I agree with most of the ideals that the various parts of the Democratic Party support. Things like religious and sexual freedom from government interference. Things like available, affordable, health care. Things like a patched-up safety net, preferably one with some “bounce-back ” springs built in. Things like a belief in science. But how do we get there?

Here are this crazy lady’s suggestions to get Trump out of the White House before it is too late and we solidify the Age of Trump and his minions. You know who they are-President Ivanka, President Don Jr., President Barron.

HOW TO BEAT TRUMP

Screw the long, drawn-out primary system this year. Iowa has already shown us what can go wrong. Get all the potential candidates in a back room and come up with ONE candidate who can win the key swing states. To me, it’s someone from the center, because this is the year to WIN, not the year to push a particular agenda.
Let everyone else withdraw from the primaries. Think of the money you can all save.
Inspire those looking toward a more revolutionary approach with a Vice-Presidential candidate that will be ready to lead in 4 or 8 years. Surely any drastic overhaul in our way of life can wait that long if it accomplishes deTrumpification in November.
Every Democratic leader, from the most northern Aleutian Island to the southern-most Florida Key, needs to offer strong support to the chosen candidate. No back-biting. No “It should have been me’s.” UNITE, UNITE, UNITE.
Mike Bloomberg, keep spending your millions. But spend them in support of the candidate of a united Democratic party, not yourself.
Mitt Romney, your “profile in courage” impeachment vote was a nice start, but you have so much more to do. Run for President on a third party. Any third party! It was rumored that you would do it in 2016. Now is the time. You have no chance to win, but you can be a spoiler, siphoning off the votes of any Republicans who haven’t lost their mind to Trump Nation. Be the Ralph Nader we need.
Get out the vote!

This may be my fantasy. But we can do this! Share the word!

Anne U Phylaxis borrows this blog from Les every once in a while. Write to her at anne.u.phylaxis@columnist.com

photo credit: cszar Say Aah via photopin (license)_

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Do You Know This Man?

Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep, I run lists or floor plans through my semi-sedated brain. What was the address of every home I have ever lived in? What was the layout of the apartment my family moved to in 1963? What was the name of every First Lady in my lifetime?

Usually, I know the answer. It may be a hard-wired, obvious answer (Jackie Kennedy) and sometimes I have to ponder a bit (you could get to the front balcony from either the door in my bedroom or climbing out the left living room window.) But I usually don’t stump myself.

That is, I didn’t stump myself until last night. My 2 a.m. puzzle was to remember every vice-presidential major party candidate from 1960-2016 (yes, my night time mind-rambles are very specific.) I was doing quite well, zooming through Miller and Humphrey and Edward. Gore was a no-brainer and so was Bush (H.W, who was Reagan’s VP; not W. who was no one’s VP.) The ladies, Ferraro and Palin, lit up my temporal lobe, although I had to kick out Tina Fey and Julia-Louis Dreyfuss as neither was ever really a candidate. A pity.

So what was it that finally tied my mind up in political knots? It turned out I had no idea, not a clue, as to who ran for vice-president in 2016 alongside Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Yes, there was someone running for vice-president less than 4 years ago even less memorable than Mike Pence, the cipher from Indiana (or Dan Quayle, the other cipher from Indiana.)

Ladies and gentlemen, in case you have forgotten, the man who won the popular vote for VP in 2016 was (drum roll) Tim Kaine, Senator from Virginia. Admit it, you didn’t remember that either. Mr. Kaine has remained in the Senate, even winning re-election in his home state in 2018. But if he was on “I’ve Got a Secret” I bet he could stump the panel with his skeleton in the closet. “I was a vice-presidential candidate in 2016.”

It seems that in this, the Age of Trump, everything else fades into oblivion. One can only hope this age will fade soon, too.

A shout out to Andrea Eisen, who correctly answered last week’s trivia question. She correctly identified John Sebastian as the only artist to have a #1 Billboard hit in the 1970s with a TV theme song (Welcome Back from Welcome Back, Kotter.)

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Ten Wet Weather Songs. Do You Know Them All?

I believe it's raining all over the world. — I believe it’s raining all over the world.

It’s another dreary, gray day in January and I am thinking about … rain. I know a Chicago winter should be all about snow, but we have been blessed(?) by warm weather for most of the season, so the precipitation that is popping up in my head is the wet stuff instead of the white stuff. And as I look through my microscope I find myself humming water songs. So here are 10 rainy songs for the day. I hope the earworms don’t start eating away at your brains too!

MY TOP TEN RAIN AND STORM SONGS

Taxi by Harry Chapin. Just another rainy day in San Francisco. Smoking pot may be legal now, but I still wouldn’t want my cabbie or Uber driver to be flying that high.
Rainy Day Woman 12 & 35 by Bob Dylan. Another song about getting stoned. Is there a pattern here?
The Rain Song by Led Zeppelin. Isn’t every song by Zep about lighting up?
Love Reign O’er Me by the Who. Yes, I know that “reign” isn’t “rain.” But Roger Daltrey sings about cool rain falling like tears. So it counts.
The Rain in Spain from the original cast recording of My Fair Lady. You knew I had to include one show tune on my list.
Riders on the Storm by the Doors. This one may be my favorite. It has a moody feel that always triggers a memory to a late spring afternoon during my high school years, standing in the rain waiting for a lift from friends. (No Uber in 1971)
Rhapsody in the Rain and Lightnin’ Strikes by Lou Christie. A two-bagger from the sixties. Sweet Lou always seemed to get lucky when the weather took a turn for the worse.
Rain on the Roof by the Lovin’ Spoonful. A less intense 60’s love song than Lou’s two, with John Sebastian memorializing a rainy afternoon.
Electrical Storm by U2. A less well known U2 song, but it’s one of their best of the 2000s.
Kathy’s Song by Simon and Garfunkel. Unless you are a pretty big S & G fan you might not know this one. It is worth a listen. It ends with one of my all-time favorite lyrics — there but for the grace of you go I.

AND A FEW MORE

Rain by the Beatles. Just because it is the Beatles.
Set Fire to the Rain by Adele. Just because it is Adele.
Rainy Night in Georgia by Brook Benton. I believe it’s raining all over the world.
The Rain, The Park, and Other Things by the Cowsills. Because without the Cowsills we wouldn’t have had the Partridges. And how could we have made it through the 70s without the Partridges?
November Rain by Guns’n’Roses. Because November rain is better than November snow.

I know there are as many rain songs as there are streaks on my windshield on a wet afternoon. So what are some of yours?

A trivia question for those of you so inclined, courtesy of Margeson’s Pub Quiz. One of the recording artists named above is the only such artist to have a number one hit during the 1970s with a TV theme song. Can you name the artist and the song? A shout out to my buddy Broonsy for getting this one right when it counted.

photo credit: Thomas Hawk Wet Mornings via photopin (license)

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Pet Names–What Do You Call Your Partner?

It is a four-letter word that I like to use. In fact, I use it a lot. My friends have taken bets on how many times that four-letter combo will leave my mouth on a given night. If you are a gambling person here is a hint: play the over. It is something I am likely to say way more than you would expect.

Is it the “f-word”? No, not that, though I do occasionally mumble it under my breath when I knock over a glass of wine. Not the “s-word” either, but I sometimes have to bite my tongue to keep from screaming it out when I knock over a second glass of wine. And there are certain other 4-letter curse words that I don’t think I have ever used, even though they are becoming more and more common in movie theaters and home theaters alike.

No, my four-letter favorite is a little more “G” rated, a little more family-friendly–and that is how I use it. And how Barb does, too. As our friends know and laugh at, it is our incessant habit of calling each other “Babe.” Not dear, not sweetie, not honey. It was, is, and always will be Babe.

How did we get there? I don’t have a clue. Is it a corruption of “Barb”? Unlikely, though not impossible. Was Sonny & Cher’s “I Got You Babe” the inspiration? I don’t think so–though Barb and I do a great rendition of the song.

Was there a particular movie or TV character from whom we picked up “Babe”? Not that I can remember. Of course, “Babe” was a squealingly delightful 1995 film about Babe the Pig, but I would hardly name my wife after a pig. And our habit goes back before 1995. There is no video of our 1978 wedding, but I am quite confident I dropped a few “B-bombs” in my speech way back then.

I think I have added a few other terms of endearment to my vocabulary. Laury tends to get a “honey” now and then. The grandkids are “sweethearts.” The kitten is…well there are lots of nice things we call the kittens. But “Babe” is on reserve. I start my texts to Barb that way and may even find a way to get it written into our new wills. And could there be a better epitaph than “I Married Babe.”?

So now it is your turn. What do you call your partner? And why? The best answer gets a free subscription. Though as Babe would remind me, subscriptions are always free (see below.) Ciao for now!

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