Have you eaten at a place like Hilda’s Hot Dogs?

It wasn’t a Rogers Park dive bar, just a dive. A counter with four bar stools. Five tiny tables lined up against the sidewall. A sizzling griddle for the burgers, a deep, oil-filled, bubbling, fry vat, and hot water to boil the hot dogs. A soda fountain and not much else.

Behind it all was Hilda, a woman of indeterminate age to my 11-year-old self. Her hair in a bun under a net, a white apron around her middle, and a gray cloth covering her laryngotomy site, Hilda ruled the tiny lunch place–a small hiccup on Morse Avenue between a laundromat and a barbershop.

We were a loyal bunch, the construction workers and the small gaggle of school kids living at the far end of the school district who had lunch each day at noon during the school year in the late 1960s. Forty-two cents bought a hot dog, french fries, and a small Coke. Most days I dug into my lunch money for an extra nickel, trading the wiener for a single patty hamburger. A piece of cheese was more than I could afford.

There were ritzier places down the block, places like Ashkenaz and Froikins. But you needed more than half a buck to eat at those places, and I carefully guarded the lunch cash stash my mother gave me so that I would have enough pennies to buy chocolate cupcakes at Davidson’s Bakery on Mondays and Thursdays. Or I would use that loose change for an extra-large Coke with my burger on a hot day in June.

In the 2020s it would be considered child abuse to allow a 10 or 11-year-old kid to eat alone or with classmates at such a place. But having lunch at school was not an option, and walking the mile-and-a-half home (a 3rd-floor walk-up apartment) and back during the lunch hour would have left no time to actually eat. Besides, my mother was a working woman, not a stay-at-home mom, so I would have hurriedly gulped a cold sandwich. Hilda’s was the better option, and in truth, I loved it.

I never learned why Hilda had a laryngotomy, though most of us assumed it was due to a history of smoking. And I never learned how the city inspectors allowed the less than sparkling joint to stay in business. I never realized just how filthy the place was until a teacher asked me to take a new student with me to lunch. He was a southern import, and I remember two things about that day. First, he asked to use “the lav,” and second, he never came back.

I may have had better hamburgers since those days, I may have had tastier fries, but I can tell you I have never had a happier 47 cent feast.

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This Doodle’s A Lover, Not A Fighter

Cooper is drooping.

I’m a labradoodle and folks call me Cooper.

I’m eight months old give or take a few, Sir.

I like my friends, how I like to kick it

At doggie day care, that’s my Monday ticket.

With Emma down the block I can strut my stuff

She’s a hot little doodle, I never get enough.

Through the yard we run, playing games of tag

Rolling through the grass as we zig and we zag.

All through the hood they all know my name

With a proud little bark, my presence I proclaim.

Give me a treat I’ll remember you’re a friend

And to you my good graces I’ll forever extend.

But my folks took me somewhere a few days ago.

“He’s getting so bored, with the old status quo.”

It was called a dog park and it was really creepy,

Supposed to be fun but I view it bloody bleakly.

Went through all these gates like being sent to prison

A place to enjoy that park surely isn’t.

With those cussing curs and a big growling hound,

I felt that the whole concept was certainly unsound.

I ran and I hid from my persecutors

I thought to my self “don’t want to do this.”

I got under a bench where the mutts couldn’t see me

Thought of me and Emma and something steamy.

My folks caught a glimpse of my predicament

They quickly saw that I was just sick of it.

They hustled me out to our waiting cool auto

And she said to him “Yeah, I thought so.” “

We never should have come here, it just doesn’t work,

Our Cooper is best when he sticks to his turf.

So if ever again I hear you suggest it,

The answer is no, don’t try to contest it!”

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The Good Die Young, but Memories Can Linger

An apres-tennis beverage with Julie

Those of you who are long-time readers may recall that a few years I disengaged from a recreational tennis league with a less than glowing review for some of the players. If I had been giving a Yelp! review it might have read “1 Star — a hard bunch to play with and enjoy.”

But there were plenty of exceptions, people I had a good time hitting with and sharing a beer with after a tough set. Sadly, I will never again raise a lob or down a cold one with Julie, one of the delightful ones. Julie passed away this week succumbing to a battle with ovarian cancer.

Julie was quite a bit younger than I was, and I can’t say I knew very much about her personal life. But I knew we shared early January birthdays. On the first Thursday of each year, the two of us would treat the tennis league to a post-play dinner of submarine sandwiches. The sandwiches were always special favorites of the league, brought in from the restaurant owned by one of our fellow players–the caprese sub always went over big.

I learned Julie was an elementary school teacher. She taught at a school just minutes away from my Westchester laboratory. It was natural for her to invite me to speak at her school’s career day. I participated several times, though it is difficult to engage 7th graders about pathology.

The first time I spoke at the school was singularly memorable. As I droned on about blood tests and biopsy specimens and medical school, an odor — a quite terrible, offensive odor, began to permeate the air. It was worse than any autopsy suite. The students began to gag. They looked like they were going to retch.

Not having a classroom teacher with me, I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t familiar with school policy, I didn’t want to excuse the kids into the hall. I just kept talking.

Eventually, one of the boys slipped out and grabbed a real teacher, who came and cleared the room. The maintenance man eventually discovered the culprit, a blocked drain pipe. Julie and I shared many laughs about that episode. I think she was surprised I ever agreed to return to the school for more career days, but because she was so sweet I always did.

Julie was also a writer, spending summers in the Iowa Writers Workshop. We would frequently discuss my blogs, and she would share details about her sci-fi novel-in-the making. Sadly she never gave me any of it to read.

After I left the tennis league, our paths no longer crossed. I did hear of her cancer diagnosis and emailed her my best wishes. I am sure she responded, but I can’t find her letter. I wish I could. I am sure it was beautifully written.

So Julie, wherever you are now, I am sure you are playing a rousing game of doubles. And if the pipes back up again, just have a good laugh.


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Has There Been a Pathologist in YOUR Life?

Tools of the trade.

There are about 21,000 pathologists in the USA. That’s not a lot. And we are a pretty quiet bunch, even though some of us blog, a few of us tweet, and a handful probably Tik Tok and Instagram. Quincy M.E. may have been our show but that ended close to 40 years ago, Jack Klugman himself met his maker early in the last decade.

Yet pathologists matter! We make the diagnoses on the biopsies that influence your treatment. We ensure quality in the numbers that tell how well your diabetes medication is working. We make sure your Covid-19 test is as accurate as current science can provide. We study the genetics of your tumor to predict its aggressiveness or the likelihood of passing it to your children. And we can be the final arbiter of how and why a loved one died.

Whether by nature or whether by circumstances, we are mostly behind the scenes. Unlike your heart surgeon, your internist, or even your urologist, you rarely get to choose your own pathologist. And even less often do you rave about us to your neighbors. “You need a CBC? Your really should get it done at Midtown Clinic–that Dr. Greene is a great pathologist.”

But are there some of you who have known of a pathologist and of the role they played in your healthcare? Maybe it was at a tumor board you attended. Maybe you went out of your way to review your slides with the doctor who read them. Maybe you called with a question about your Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) blood test.

If any of the above pertains to you, I’d like to know about it. Leave a comment, or drop me a line at les.raff@post.com. Let me know about any pathologists who stood out, who gave you knowledge, who made you feel cared for.

Please share, retweet, or forward this post, especially to those you know who have had an interaction with the healthcare system. I’d like to collect your stories for a future blog, or maybe more.

In the meantime, be well!

The opinions expressed above are those of the author and not UroPartners, LLC.


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Abt Expands–Will My Wallet Contract?

Abt has filled people homes for decades.

The Tribune is reporting that Abt Electronics in Glenview is doubling the size of its warehouse. That means I can relax.

I never know when Barb and I are going to need something from the monster electronics and home appliance store. It is our go-to, and believe me, we have gone there.

When we had a townhouse in Niles, Abt had a store in Niles. When we built a home in Arlington Heights, Abt was in nearby Morton Grove. And through our builds in Long Grove and Riverwoods, the massive Abt showroom in Glenview has been our frequent destination.

We don’t bother to shop around. We trust that we will get a good price, maybe the best price. So of course, all the original appliances for our first houses came from Abt. Redoing our kitchen in Long Grove? Yup, Abt once again. Building a new house less than two years after that kitchen makeover (OK, that was MY fault)–well of course we were going to Abt.

And it’s not just the kitchen stuff. Our new mattress is an Abt’er as well. Every TV in the house (and there are more than you can count on one hand) is Abt purchased and installed. And when the Sony sets stopped working with our Comcast cable system, Abt was there with Mitsubishi replacements.

In the height of the pandemic last spring, when Barb was cooking, cooking, cooking, we ran out of space in our kitchen fridge. and decided a garage refrigerator would be a good solution. We, along with about 1500 other Sunday shoppers, masks over mouths (and some noses) braved the Abt showroom. It remains as the biggest crowd we have been in over the last 15 months. We weren’t totally comfortable, but we got our new fridge, and at a good price too.

We have instilled Abt loyalty in the whole family. The store did a great job heating our son’s screened-in porch last fall. That has kept us warm through quite a few “outdoor” celebrations.

So Abt family, thank you for expanding that warehouse. You never know when Barb and I will think of a new project (NOT a new house.) And we wouldn’t want you to be out of stock on any whiz-bang gadget we might need!

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Should I Try To Win Tickets to a Genesis Concert?

Genesis. Photo Courtesy Chicago Tribune

The DJ’s on WXRT are super-excited. The station is giving away tickets to see Genesis perform at the United Center in November. Call In To Win!

Should I make that call? So many thoughts come to mind, so many questions.

First, as I have said before, I am not particularly lucky in contests–though I used to do OK on Lin Brehmer’s 3 for Free back in the day, back when Lin still hosted early mornings on ‘XRT. But there were no prizes for winning, and 3FF was broadcast at 6:30 in the morning–not a heck of a lot of competition.

Next, will I be ready to go to an indoor concert at the United Center in November? Like everyone, I am entertainment starved. And public health officials say we are getting to an inflection point in the pandemic. Barb and I are both well-vaccinated, and we wouldn’t turn down a booster if it was necessary.

So yes, we are edging toward losing our inhibition about indoor recreation. I am back working out at my (nearly deserted) fitness center. We are noticing that Broadway is going to be opening back up in September, though we will be holding off on a New York City trip until the Neil Diamond jukebox musical opens in 2022 (tickets to opening night would be appreciated.)

And we do have tickets for a couple of indoor things–the Van Gogh exhibit on Father’s Day and Six on our anniversary. But none of that is like going into the cavernous barn that is the United Center. The contest is for admission to a “luxury suite,” but I still would anticipate lots of crowds in the walkways and on the stairways. Will I be ready in November to rub elbows with the hoi polloi?

Lastly, there is the band itself. How much do I care about Genesis? I have a personal rule, I would never go to a concert if I can’t name at least 10 songs by the band. I have no trouble doing that for Genesis–but could Barb do the same? That is a lot less likely. Plus, Barb likes her concerts at the United Center more mellow–she still complains about being dragged to see Bruce Springsteen there. Besides, who would babysit Cooper?

So all you Genesis fans out there–don’t mind me. I won’t compete for those tickets. Though if Phil and Mike and Tony want to play a set in my backyard, that’s cool–I am sure we can get the Home Owners Association’s permission for a great night out on the lawn.

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The Michael Collins Almost Made It Award

(© stock.adobe.com)

Michael Collins died this week. Michael Collins, the man who came SO close. Michael Collins, Apollo 11’s Third Man. The man circling the moon in his cute little orbiter while Neil (One Giant Step) Armstrong and Edwin (You Can Call Me Buzz) Aldrin got to play on the moon!

So close and yet so far–how many times in your life have you been there? The job you were the “best candidate” for, but somehow didn’t get (remember me, Resurrection Medical Center?) The game show you were chosen to be on, but from whom you never got the final call (I am talking to YOU, Family Feud.) The Mega-Millions Super-Duper Jackpot you were only ONE NUMBER AWAY FROM (okay-that person never was and never will be me.)

In the late astronauts honor it’s time for the Michael Collins Almost Made It Award. And here are the nominees.

  1. His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales: inching ever closer to the throne, but will he ever get there?
  2.  Actor Phil Bruns. Who is he? Mr. Bruns played Morty Seinfeld (Jerry’s Dad) on exactly one episode of Seinfeld, only to be replaced in future episodes by Barney Martin. Poor Phil, he never made it to Del Boca Vista.
  3. Stu Sutcliffe and Pete Best. The almost Beatles. ‘Nuff said.
  4. A long line of “Miss America” runner-ups. The only exception, Suzette Charles, who received the 1984 crown when Vanessa Williams was stripped of her title.
  5. Zeppo Marx. Would you recognize him if he passed you on the street?
  6. Vicente Yanez Pinzor, captain of the sailing ship Nina that accompanied Christopher Columbus way back in 1492. No cities named after him! No statues to be torn down, either.
  7. Rosalind Franklin–her work paved the way for discovering the structure of DNA–but it is James Watson and Francis Crick who get credit for the “double helix.”
  8. Richard Burton was nominated for an acting Oscar 7 times without a win. He’s a near-misser even for the record on that –Peter O’Toole, and now Glenn Close beat him out with 8 losses each.
  9. How about Al Gore. Eight years as VEEP, one heartbeat or one impeachment conviction away from the presidency, and then to ultimately win the popular vote for the highest office but be bounced by the Supreme Court. You can’t get much closer to being the most powerful man in the world than that.
  10. Garth Brooks. Although I guess it’s not too bad to be the second best-selling musical act of all time with 156 MILLION units sold. That’s a mere 27 million units behind the Beatles (but about 155.999 million units more than Stu Sutcliffe and Pete Best.)

So there you have it, also-rans and almost haves. Who would you choose for the Michael Collins Memorial Award?


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Jeopardy! Needs Me. You just have to let them know.

C’mon people I need your help. I don’t think I can do this without you.

LeVar Burton has been added to the list of celebrities who have been, or will be, guest hosts of Jeopardy! How did he get there? A petition with over 240,000 signatures convinced the powers-that-be to give him a shout-out.

I first mentioned my desire to host Jeopardy in 2018, when rumors of Alex Trebek’s potential retirement first surfaced. Like all of you, I was saddened when we learned that instead of retirement, it would be fatal pancreatic cancer that would end Alex’s reign. But just as Walter Cronkite transitioned to Dan Rather, Johnny Carson to Jay Leno, and Willard Scott to Al Roker, our TV idols eventually get replaced. And I want in.

So let’s see. Do I stack up against the “celebrities” that have been filling in for the last few months?

  1. Like Ken Jennings (first guest host), I am a former Jeopardy! Contestant. No, I didn’t win a gazillion episodes and two gazillion dollars, but just being there is what matters, right?
  2. Like Mehmet Oz (March) and Sanjay Gupta (June) I am a doctor. I can pronounce all the Latin medical terms such as medulla oblongata that may crop up. And I know what they mean.
  3. Like Mayim Bialik (host May 31-June 11) I am Jewish. Not really that important, but it does allow me to use the space laser if any contestant should get out of hand.
  4. As a kid hanging out at Wrigley Field, I got an autograph from Jack Buck, the father of Joe Buck, who will be hosting in August. That’s just one degree of separation, so close enough for me.
  5. With my white hair, I have the same distinguished, intelligentsia look as Anderson Cooper (current guest host.) Got to keep the show on the high-brow side.

I know there are a whole bunch of other guest hosts that I can’t quite compare to: Robin Roberts, Aaron Rodgers, Savanna Guthrie. But isn’t it time to give the little guy a break?

So someone out there–start a petition, write me a slogan, push my cause. I want to be a guest host too!

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This Morning’s Drive-Hell Ride at 85

My hands are gripping the steering wheel as if it is the only thing keeping my anchored to the ground. My knuckles are white. I can feel my eye balls bulge; my heart is palpitating in fear. My morning experiment has turned into a joy ride from hell.

I have described my drive down the tollway to the lab many times before, cruising in the left lane, at a speed I feel comfortable with, in control of my current ride. I will pass some cars, others will pass me–but it all feels balanced and I am relaxed and feel safe.

But construction season is in full bloom, and lane re-configurations are sprouting like dandelions. Suddenly this morning my left lane has split from the three right lanes and has become a single lane of speeding adrenaline.

The morning mist limits visibility and leaves the tarmac slick. The left shoulder widens and then narrows, pincering me between concrete barricades to my right and my left. There is no room for the slightest mistake, the slightest bit of over or understeering.

I feel like Tiger Woods barreling towards a crack-up. I want to slow down–hell, I want to stop. But a glance in my rear-view mirror confirms that the headlights of the car behind me are bearing down on my tail. I see the driver’s face, relentless. If I reduce speed, can she? Would she?

As if this is not enough of a horror show, my audiobook is rattling my nerves further as it describes a teen boy contemplating a swan dive into a quarry pond from a cliff 180 feet high. Will he risk his neck to impress the bikini-clad classmate below? Or will he wind up like a previous diver, with a smashed jaw and every tooth broken? Just what I need to hear.

I am reminded of my freezing in panic when I climbed the Mayan pyramids at Chichen Itza. This time if I freeze, there won’t be a friendly traveling companion to get me moving again. I am on my own. And I am scared.

At last, I see the “Merge Ahead” sign. I meld into the other traffic, moving to the right lane where I can slow down, loosen my grip in the wheel, and let my blood pressure drop into a normal range.

Three minutes later I am at the lab, in my office, putting on my mask. The day has begun.


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Assault Weapons Jar My Ride

“Lady Bird wanted the highways clear of billboards and junkyards, and filled with green landscaping and wildflowers.”

As I accelerate through my twice-daily commute along Interstate 294, I get a sense that Mrs. LBJ wasn’t particularly successful in her drive to beautify America. The billboards she fought against are the mile markers of my journey. Most times the giant messages pass into my subconsciousness where I keep my mental records.

I know where to expect a Blue Cross/Blue Shield “through it all.” I have counted as Brian Uhrlacher’s hair restoration billboard postings outnumber the total tackles in his Bear’s career. A big red arrow points the way to mortgage refinancing savings, while Wintrust is trying really hard to out-hometown the other guys. And the strip gentlemen’s clubs advertise what they have always advertised.

As a sign of the times I know who is pushing rapid COVID-19 testing, and who wants me to learn all about marijuana, both medicinal and recreational. Preferably not indulged in while zooming past construction zones and road shoulder stalls.

This month I have noticed a new billboard, a new advertisement asking for an investment of my time and thought as I thunder past. It must be about 650 sq. ft. in size, rising just to the right of the southbound lanes. And it features a silhouette image of a firearm. I am not an expert, but whizzing past, it sure looks like an assault rifle.

I assume the billboard is advertising a gun store, or a shooting range, or some other gun-related enterprise. I don’t care what it is for. It disturbs me and I despise it. I don’t get upset seeing reminders of the health plan I no longer belong to, the hair I can’t grow, or the pot and women that I don’t indulge in–but seeing weapons of mass destruction on my very favorite tollway? It brings tears to my eyes.

In the indeterminate future I will retire. I will not drive past this billboard. Better yet, I can wish the billboard, and the death it portrays, will go away. If only my wishes would come true.

Lady Bird Johnson could have told you rifles don’t beautify highways. She could also have told you how one changed her life.

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First Name
Last Name
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