The Headline I Never Thought I Would Write-We Have a Puppy!

I can’t say I was totally blindsided. I told you a few months ago that this might, might, might occur. But now it is real. It has happened. We are once again, now and forevermore, dog people.

When we left that cat shelter this past summer, our thoughts of adopting an older cat dashed, Barb had plenty of time to ruminate on the long drive home. By the time we had pulled into our driveway, it was a fait accompli. We were going to be getting a dog, a dog with a clean mental slate (unlike Milo,) a dog we could train (unlike Murphy,) a dog who would have it in him or her to become a therapy dog (unlike Max.)

The research began. This consisted of talking to every dog owner in the neighborhood, social-distance apart, on our ritual walks through the neighborhood. And since we live in a very dog heavy neighborhood, those walks seemed to last for hours. But eventually, we decided on a breed and a breeder, there was a litter chosen, and a date for puppy pick-up determined.

But…there was a bump in the road. Dog Trainer B, who we also found via a neighborhood recommendation, was not particularly encouraging about breeder A’s dogs, suggesting we investigate Breeders C, D, or E. Of course, we did, though anticipating that with social isolation dog demands at a peak, no other pup would be available until the spring.

Miracle of miracles! A pooch belonging to Breeder D, down I-90 out near Rockford, had just delivered a litter of ELEVEN puppies. And two were still available. Faster than you can say “Woof” Barb had her credit card out and a deposit was made. Dog days were dawning.

Ten days ago we had the opportunity to choose our newest family member in a video call–and after a bit of confusion about the gender of the two options available to us, we had our boy.

This Saturday we hit the road, arriving outside a barn precisely at 11 a.m. Two other families joined us and a pick-up truck pulled in with three chocolate-colored Labradoodles. They were practically identical– except for one with a curly, white-tipped tail and a white blaze on his chest.

And that, dear friends, is Cooper. He has a loving personality, seems to adore kids, and has evoked curiosity in the kitten. He goes to Breeder Boot Camp in December for basic training (heel and sit, not drop and give me twenty basic training.) The rest is up to us.

Will we have the first Raff therapy dog? Or just another lovable ball of fur? I promise to let you know. And let me know about your doggie success stories. We are there for each other.

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I Got The Could It Be Covid Blues

My skin has sure been an itching
My nose runs down to my shoes
My stomach has taking up bitching
I got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

Mama just keeps on sniffing
She’s testing the smell of her booze
She might as well just go fishing
She got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

Daddy’s down in the basement
His headache is shading his views
For unmasking is this a repayment?
He got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

The wife can’t shake this bad feeling
That the reason she got a short fuse
Is the dots in her eyes that she’s seeing
She got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

There’s the kitten and our new dog Stumpy
They’ve stopped playing ’round with their chews
They be barking and acting so grumpy
They got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

The teacher his lecture aZoomin’
Some knowledge he hopes to infuse
Worries bout the neck rash that’s a bloomin’
He got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

The boss at my job got a fever
She can’t stop from wanting to snooze
That gal used to be an achiever
Now she got the Could It Be Covid? Blues.

The whole world is off going crazy
It’s our sanity that we might lose
All of our minds going hazy
We got the Could It Be Covid? Blues!

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Kamala Harris-I Got it Wrong and I Apologize

Kamala Harris spells out the future. Photo courtesy of Chicago Tribune

It was almost exactly one year ago. Pre-COVID, Pre-Amy Coney Barrett. Pre-IT WAS RIGGED (not.)

The battle for the presidential nomination of the Democrat Party was in full swing and in honor of an upcoming candidate debate I posted a clever little verse called The Primary Shuffle. Aping the rhyme and rhythm of The Superbowl Shuffle (will we ever get beyond the 85 Bears?) it presented the candidates in all their glory. I highly recommend it!

Poll leaders Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Pete Buttigieg each earned individual stanzas. The rest of the pack–the followers–were jammed into two densely packed verses. No one had much hope for those runner-up type candidates, the Amys, the Mikes, the Corys, and the Camillas.

Hold on, wait, time out!! Camilla? Why did I include Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, the royal partner of someday maybe King of England Prince Charles? Was she even eligible to run for president? I am sure Donald Trump would have had a field day asking for a birth certificate to prove she was American born.

But no–the Camilla I was referring to in that long-ago post was KAMALA Harris, who at that time was Senator from California and is currently, while still a Senator, the Vice-President Elect of the United States of America.

Yup-I blew it with the name. I didn’t do enough fact-checking. And my failsafe Grammarly spell-check didn’t recognize the error (probably because I didn’t include Ms. Harris’s last name.) And not a single reader notified me of my mistake. I had buried Camilla (sic) and her slim chance to win the nomination so far down in the rap that most likely no one read that far!

So my apologies Kamala. In the last year, you have demonstrated resilience and grace. We have forgiven you for being a little rough on Good-Ole Joe in some of the earlier debates. We have danced and sang in the streets to celebrate your landslide (306) victory. You are a role-model, a glass-ceiling smasher, and a highway to the future.

But it is too bad you will never get to be the Queen of England!

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He Fooled You Once, Shame on Him. He Fools You Twice? Shame on You.

President Trump told you COVID would be gone by Easter: HE LIED
President Trump told you COVID would be gone by Memorial Day: HE LIED
President Trump told you he saved millions of lives from COVID: HE LIED
President Trump told you COVID was no worse than the flu: HE LIED
President Trump told you there were COVID instant cures and remedies: HE LIED
President Trump told you he knew more about science than scientists: HE LIED
President Trump told you COVID was fake news: HE LIED
President Trump told you a COVID vaccine would be available before the presidential election: HE LIED
President Trump told you COVID would disappear after the presidential election: HE LIED

And now he is telling you the presidential election is a fraud: AND YOU BELIEVE HIM?

Pledges Made, Pledges Kept. How Many Did You Agree With?

Three years ago I blogged about a pledge from Volvo, the Swedish auto manufacturer, that by this very year, 2020, no one would die in a new Volvo automobile. A Google search this morning failed to turn up any evidence that Volvo is still making that brag, even in this pandemic world of fewer drivers, fewer miles, and fewer accidents. I can’t find any evidence that there has been a fatality in a 2020 Volvo and death rate data takes years to compile but I am hoping, fingers crossed, that Volvo has been successful.

In that blog, way back three years ago (who remembers 2017?) I asked other entities to make pledges for 2020. And now it is time to see the results…

PLEDGES FOR 2020 THAT I ASKED FOR in 2017

Pledge Request: The airline industry will promise to utilize artificial intelligence to devise a system in which no passenger traveling from Chicago, Illinois to Fairbanks, Alaska gets routed through Miami, Florida. Result: The airlines did us one better. They made sure almost no one would want to fly at all.
Pledge Request: The recording industry will pledge that I recognize at least one song nominated for the Record of the Year Grammy. Result: Nope, though the nominated songs for this year aren’t out yet, I struck out on last year’s list. No surprise.
Pledge Request: The Sox, Cubs, Bears, Bulls, and Blackhawks will each pledge not to be in Year 1 of a 5 Year Rebuilding Plan. Result: All was good in White Sox Land until Tony LaRussa came along. As for the rest? Why bother.
Pledge Request: While the airlines are making pledges, how about a guarantee that there are no bumped passengers hauled off a plane by air marshalls, or better yet, no bumped passengers at all? Result: Who could have predicted hauling off passengers for their lack of mask etiquette?
Pledge Request: The Democratic Party will pledge to have a viable Presidential Candidate. (I know this one is a b-i-g stretch!) Result: We did it! We did it! We did it!
Pledge Request: Progressive Insurance and Toyota will pledge to swap Flo and Jan for a month. Just because it would be fun. Result: Flo is still hawking policies and Jan is still peddling cars–even in a pandemic, some things never change.
Pledge Request: Brian Urlacher will promise to readopt the shaved head look so we can get rid of all the awful hair growth billboards along I-294. Result: Not as many billboards–perhaps as a result of Urlacher’s political views?
Pledge Request: NBC will pledge that “Chicago Streets and Sanitation” will be the last show in it’s “Chicago” pantheon, and will return the streets of Chicago to the residents of Chicago. Result: NBC reportedly interested in giving “Chicago Pol”, a Lightfoot/Pritzker production, a weekly primetime slot.
Pledge Request: Wisconsin will pledge no new shootings by 8-year-olds legally licensed to carry a weapon. Result: Wisconsin decides to import its underage shooters from Illinois.
Pledge Request: Chip and Joanna, Jonathan and Drew, and all those House Hunters will promise to take a year-long sabbatical so my TV sets can take an HGTV sabbatical too! Result: Magnolia Network anyone?

So only the Democrats lived up to my pledge request–but that was a big one. What pledges do we want for two years from now? And what will come true?

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We Will Miss You, Alex

RIP Alex Trebek -- photo courtesy of the Chicago Tribune. — RIP Alex Trebek — photo courtesy of the Chicago Tribune.

RIP Alex Trebek. Below is a repost of my blog from 2018, before we knew of Mr. Trebek’s illness.

There have only been two hosts of Jeopardy! that mattered. Art Fleming gave the answers on most of the original run, and Alex Trebek has been the man behind the podium on the current version since the show’s reinception in 1984. Mr. Trebek’s current contract expires in 2020, and he has hinted that after 36 years and thousands and thousands of shows, that might be the time for him to retire. He has also suggested two potential replacements, hockey announcer Alex Faust, and broadcaster Laura Coates.

Hogwash! If the answer is “This person would be the ideal next host of Jeopardy!” the question is “Who is ME!” Think about it. Appearances on both Jeopardy! and It’s Academic have shown I know what it takes to be tested under those hot TV lights without breaking a sweat. Ok, those were both decades ago, and I didn’t win on either show, but in my opinion, I have only improved with age. And my almost appearance with Steve Harvey on Family Feud should be enough to prove I’ve still got that cool under pressure style.

About physical appearance. Fans of Jeopardy! just want a host that won’t make them shudder each time they tune in. I think I can pass that bar. And thanks to Mr. Trebek, the audience has gotten used to a well groomed white-haired host. I have the hair color and style to match. I even have a Bangkok tailor so I can order as many fitted suits as I need for the multiple shows taped on one day.

How about a voice that gets attention and demands and commands respect? I served my six years as Board of Education President and kept those unruly crowds of unhappy parents in check. And I never had to raise my voice. They all just listened. (True confession: The crowds weren’t really unruly or unhappy, they were mostly at our meetings to see their kids get awards and honors.)

Oh, one more thing. I promise not to pretend I know all the questions to all the answers. The players should be the stars of the show. And even if they are not at all brilliant, charming, or funny I promise not to embarrass them. It’s probably their life’s dream to be holding that buzzer! Who wants to crash those dreams?

So Sony Television, give me a call. I won’t let you down.

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‘Twas Two Days After Polling

‘Twas two days after polling, and all through the US
The country was waiting, an election to bless;
The ballots were endless and counting was slow,
With hopes for a victor before there was snow;
The pundits both writing or those talking heads;
Repeating over and over what the others had said;
My wife in the kitchen, my daughter on the phone,
Were both getting weary from all this unknown,
The President had claimed on the very first night,
That he was the winner, but that was not right.
Even Fox News wasn’t quite that hardy,
Advising he wait before a celebration party.
The pollsters were saying they hadn’t quite blown it,
But they weren’t really sure, if only we’d known it.

Now the headlines are saying there are six more states,
Upon whose numbers the result still awaits,
“Now, Nevada! now, Alaska! now North Carolina!
On, ‘Zona! on, Georgia! on, Pennasylvina!
Give us some results, we all need to hear!
We hope when you’re done it will all be so clear!”
Then the lawsuits will come and accusations will fly,
With more fireworks than the 4th of July;
So up to the Supremes the challenges may go
And we will see how the Court feels about Joe.
Or if for the Donald their loyalties lie
And a judgement for him they decide to apply.
It’s a crazy old system we have in this land,
To try to determine who gets to command.
The millions of dollars on attack TV ads,
Just make us feel angry and the candidates look bad.
Hope we figure it out before New Year’s Eve,
Then we can happily watch two-oh-two-oh leave;

Or by the time that you read this, results all may be here.
And I will end this poem on a note of good cheer.
Keep your head up, keep a smile in your eyes.
Whoever it is, who wins the big prize!

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Wouldn’t This Taste Good? A Crocked-Up Success!

If you like Hungarian food,
They have a goulash which is very good.
Allan Sheman, Hungarian Goulash #5, 1963

Sometimes you still have to love the Internet.

Our daughter Laury has been telling us for years how she uses her slow-cooker to make easy, tasty, dinners. Back-in-the-day when Barb and I were working long hours we would occasionally cook supper in a crockpot; the concept of coming home to a simmering stew being very enticing. But lifestyles changed–and the lure of local restaurants became irresistible. Our crockpot usage evaporated.

Then came the last 7 months. Like all of you, we have been eating 99.9% of our dinners at home and getting more and more bored with our menus. Last week Laury’s words finally sunk in.

I decided to make my crockpot favorite, Hungarian Goulash. We found a slow cooker in the very back of the highest kitchen cabinet and then began the hunt for our crockpot cookbook. It wasn’t on our cookbook shelf, it wasn’t on any other bookshelf. It was not here, it was not there, we could not find it anywhere.

I did the modern-day thing and looked up “crockpot recipes for goulash” online. I found a dozen and chose one to make. Went to Woodman’s, bought the few ingredients, threw ’em all in the pot, and later that night we were eating tender, juicy, goulash. The only problem–what should have been a spicy stew was bland as library paste. Barb and I started reminiscing about the old recipe. Wasn’t there brown sugar and Worcestershire sauce? And how much paprika?

Following dinner, I had a new mission. I was going to find a copy of that old crockery cookbook, the one with the recipe we loved. I did a Google search for “crockpot cookbooks from the 1970’s” and got a hit! Someone had listed the very same book I wanted on Mercari, a selling website I had never heard of before now. For only 6 bucks!

I signed up, put in my credit card, ordered, and dreamt of goulash. Until the next morning when I received a message from the site. The seller had canceled the sale. SH*T! I went back to my search and found another seller of the same cookbook on the Mercari site, this time for $9.

Wondering if Mercari has a monopoly on outdated cookbooks I offered the same $6 as I had the first time and waited. Success! The seller accepted my offer. Messages from the site confirmed the cookbook was being sent and yesterday, it arrived, as evocative of 1975 as a cookbook could be. I tore through the recipes, and there, on page 47, was my recipe for Hungarian Goulash, loaded with brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce, and just the right amount of paprika. The only thing missing was the smudgy ketchup thumbprint I remember leaving on my original copy of the book.

I won’t make the goulash this week. I’ll wait for a cold wintery day when a smoky stew will be most appreciated. Want to join us for dinner–virtually of course!

Kudos to old Eugene Field School friend and baseball buddy Gary Shulman, the first person to correctly answer the “Layla, Learning to Fly, Closer to Home” trilogy trivia question. The common denominator? All have bird tweets. Way to go Gary–I always knew you were for the birds!

Less than a week to go. VOTE

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I haven’t cooked that special dish yet. I’ll probably wait for a snowy wintery day when a warm stew will be most welcome. Care to join us for dinner–remotely of course!

Kudos to old Field School friend Gary Shulman, the only person to solve the “Layla, Learning to Fly, Closer to Home” trilogy challenge. The common denominator? All have bird tweets. Way to go, Gary!

Less than a week to go. VOTE.

Boomer Rock and Roll Trivia — Can YOU Answer the Question of the Day?

What do these three songs have in common?

It’s Sunday. No politics for me today.

A long time ago, i.e. before Covid, I could get my dose of rock’n’roll trivia listening to and participating in the “Three for Free” audio quiz from Lin Brehmer and Mary Dixon in the pre-dawn hours on WXRT. Those challenges are gone, with Mary now on WBEZ, and our best friend in the world Lin spinning the disks on 93.1 at a more civilized midday time. But my rock’n’roll mind never rests. As you will see…

After breakfast this morning (but well before my weekly dose of Meet the Press) you would have found me in the basement exercise room, grinding away on the elliptical. As per my usual routine, I was plugged into the Pandora app, listening to my self-curated radio station. Decades features rock bands from the ’60s right on to today–from the Beatles’ “Love Me Do” to Bruce Springsteen’s brand-new “Letter to You,” with lots of Floyd (Pink), Dan (Steely), and Straits (Dire) in between.

I warmed up with U2’s “The Sweetest Thing” and then got my heart pumping with “Layla” by Clapton’s Derek and the Dominoes, followed by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers with “Learning to Fly.” “That’s cool,” I recognized. “Those last two songs have something unusual in common.”

Letting my mind roam as I continued my workout, I came up with two more songs with the same unique characteristic. One of those two is “Closer to Home (I’m Your Captain)” by the Michigandering Grand Funk Railroad. The other…well if I told you the other this question would be much too easy!

So now it’s your turn. What do “Layla,” “Learning to Fly,” and “Closer to Home” have in common? I know “Layla” and “Closer to Home” both are two-part songs, but “Fly” doesn’t fit into that pattern. And it doesn’t have to do with how many people are in the band, or who they are. But there is something that ties these 3 songs together.

If you know, send me a note at les.raff@post.com. You can leave a comment, but don’t give away the answer. And enjoy your Sunday.

Vote November 3rd.

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Trump Supporters: Drop and Give Me 10…if you can!

Can you tell me 10 things Trump and Pence have accomplished? Photo Courtesy Chicago Tribune.

To my friends, former friends, frenemies, colleagues, and the voting public at large:

Just give me 10. 10 things that Donald Trump has accomplished in just under 4 years as President. Not four things you like about him. I don’t care that you think he says what he means, or that he doesn’t take any BS. Those are just personality traits.

No, I want you to stop what you are doing for a moment, stop sharing those pictures of American flags that you think make you a better patriot than me, or circulating bizarre and ridiculous conspiracy theories, and instead, give me a list of ten actual accomplishments of 45 months of Trump ascendency. And while you are at it, tell me why you like those accomplishments. Be specific, be factual, be credible.

What things don’t count as an accomplishment to me? Holding big rallies — that’s just entertainment. Attacking opposition politicians, other world leaders, and almost any female of power? Being a bully is a flaw, not an achievement. Trashing the Biden family while your family reaps millions from your presidency–that’s chutzpah, not progress. And falling in love with Kim Jong-un? Dennis Rodman’s been there, done that, first.

So please, give me 10 things the man has actually done! That’s less than 3 a year. Surely you can come up with them. If you think his biggest accomplishment is a few hundred miles of wall, fine, put that at the top of your list. If you think it is appointing judges you like, list that–but only once–you don’t get to list it separately for Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett.

Surely though, you can do better in your support of the man. After all, you must be able to show at least ten things that have advanced our country during the tenure of the caricature you so strongly, vociferously, unwaveringly, support.

If not–why would you vote for this man?

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