Hey Alexa-Sing Me A Song!

The house we built two years ago has its share of electronic doodads. It has Wi-Fi linked sound bars and electronic lighting schemes. I can check on the garage door status from anywhere in the world (the farthest from home I have used this feature is a football field length down the street,) and we have finally figured out how to use the electronic code on our back door. But one thing we have never had is an electronic digital assistant.

Yes, I talk to Google on my phone (I prefer her to Siri) but we have never had one of those stand-alone devices. I never saw the need. But this year the prize (for which I no longer feel guilty) for my fundraising prowess (thanks to all of you) with SEABlue was an Amazon Echo Spot. It is a little gizmo, the reviled baby of Amazon’s Echo Series. In fact, the negative reviews I read compared both its appearance and usefulness to an old-fashioned alarm clock. Wrong!

We have had little Alexa (that’s the name of the voice inside her) for a week now. We set her in the kitchen window box above the sink, hooked her up to our always balky home Wi-Fi and let her rip.

We have kept it simple so far. “Hey Alexa, play some U2.” Out comes “One,” a favorite of mine, with all the lyrics showing up on the Spot’s face.

“Hey Alexa, play Sweet Caroline.” Out comes a very odd rendition of Neil Diamond’s classic.

“Hey Alexa, play a lullaby to our grandson.” Out comes Brahm’s “Lullaby” followed by “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”

“Hey Alexa, play Shawn Mullin’s Lullabye.” Out comes “Sorry, you will have to subscribe to our costly music service for that song.” OK, so Alexa isn’t perfect.

Need a quick answer to a question? The more specific the query, the better the response. When I asked what movie the line “Leave the gun, take the cannoli” is from the answer “The Godfather” wass instantaneous. But ask for a recipe for Thanksgiving Mashed Potatoes and 53 suggestions pop up, also instantaneously. It’s a little too much information.

Since we have had a busy week, I haven’t had a chance to delve into Alexa’s other capabilities. I’m sure that with more time and effort I will have her feeding the dog, taking out the garbage, and making the bed. Hey Alexa, you can do all that, can’t you?

What have been YOUR experiences with digital assistants? Share them! And for all my trivia friends out there, yes, I DID actually know the source of that movie quote, I was testing Alexa.

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Is the Next Best Generation Saying Goodbye?

I had a getting-to-the-end-of-the-year tax planning phone meeting with my long time accountant the other day. Well, actually it wasn’t with my longtime accountant. The meeting was with a perfectly capable younger accountant to whom he has transferred the nuts and bolts of my financial life. It’s a phenomenon that I am experiencing more and more. It’s not about me; it’s about the aging of my generation.

The changes were presaged when my dentist merged his solo practice with a larger group a few years ago. My dentist was assuredly NOT of my generation. He has been taking whacks at my teeth since I was a pre-teen. He has always been good for a lament about the White Sox (except in glorious 2005) and one awful off-color joke. But Florida fairways have been calling to him with ever-growing frequency and it has become hard to schedule my 6-month visits with him. Through no active choice of my own, I have become a patient of the youngster in the practice, who will now be responsible for my continued ability to chomp on granny smith apples as my old fillings begin to crumble.

Next, my internist, another White Sox fan, announced his imminent retirement while spreading the word that his nephew would be joining his practice. The implications were clear. This time I took action, reasoning that as long as I was going to need a new internist, I might as well choose one closer to home and with more experience than a newbie (I know, I know, I was once a young physician too.) So I made the switch, even though in the interim Internist #1 has delayed his retirement. I’ve had some nice conversations with my new practitioner, though I have not yet broached whether she is a Sox or Cubs fan.

Oh, and Barb and I had a nice Greek dinner with our financial advisor the other evening. Let me clarify. It was with our financial advisor and his son. Yup, the transition there has begun there as well, as Advisor Père spends more time roasting in Arizona while Advisor Fils assumes the duties of safeguarding our future retirement. I hope the young whipper-snapper knows what the word means, and the fears that can accompany approaching it!

There have been a few exceptions to the hand-over pattern. When my corporate attorney passed away at a much-too-young age, his office mate declined to take over our file. But since my new corporate attorney is older than I am by a year or three, I expect I will be introduced to a young go-getter the next time I need a legal consultation. My hair-stylist still has three kids in grammar school. I suspect I will be her client as long as there are hairs on this head–at least another year or two. As for my tennis trainer, he will never retire; he’ll still be telling me to get my toss up higher when he is six feet lower.

As my contemporaries say sayonara, their gravity exerts its pull on me. We aren’t the “Greatest Generation,” but maybe we are the “Next Best Thing” and it will soon be time to relax.

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Ten Headlines You Never Will See-It’s No Joke

You won’t see these headlines in your morning news feed any time soon.

Archer Arrows Kill 10 in Crowded Club
Crazed Slingshotter Stones 15 on School Playground
Upset Jockey Whips Seven to Death in Paddock
Frenzied Fencer Fatally Fragments Five
Neo-Nazi Lumberjack Axes Four to Death at Rally
Slighted Sumo Wrestler Stomps Eight
Ancient Mace used in Mass Murder
Crowbar Criminal Kills Nine
Former Spy Wielding Poison Tipped Umbrella Kills 17 at Festival
Beleaguered Butler Bashes Seven at Gala Dinner

And one headline that never seems to go away

Mass Shooting in (fill in the blank). (Pick your number) Dead

Isn’t it time we do something about it?

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photo credit: wuestenigel <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/43016009525″>Blacklist</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>

The Election is Over. Now Thinking Outside the Box for Amazon HQ2

election-and-amazon-2 — Maps of congressional districts (left) and Amazon HQ2 choices (right.)

Amazon must be seeing blue.

One election is over. It’s the big one, with decisions on federal, state, and local elections. There will be a change in our next Congress with the Democrats winning the majority in the House of Representatives. But what I see when I look at an electoral map is lots of blue on the coasts, but a big red middle. Oh sure, there are some Democrats away from the Atlantic and the Pacific, but it is mostly in urban areas, our own metropolitan Chicago for example.

But one more election, or more properly, a selection, is coming. Amazon will soon choose HQ2, the second headquarters of one of the biggest success stories of the last 20 years. The pins in the green map above are areas that have met Amazon’s list of requirements, from available big buildings to abundant labor to transportation to quality of life. These are the 20 locations still in the running for the billion dollar Amazon lottery prize.

Put one map on top of the other and what do you see? With the exception of Toronto (and do we really think the headquarters will be in Canada?) all of Amazon’s choices are rolling in the blue. That’s where the facilities, labor, and culture that Amazon wants for its headquarters seem to be located.

But what if Amazon had taken a different approach? What if Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos had said “We want to be pioneers. We want to find a city, a region, a state that needs us more than we need them. We can bring jobs, help create infrastructure, attract top-notch engineers. We can provide a stronger tax base that will lead to better schools and improved healthcare. We might not have a symphony overnight, but we can learn of, and support, the local culture. We can be the new frontier.”

And what if Amazon were only the first? What if all those new unicorns looked beyond Silicon Valley and Wall Street and brought their economic might to all areas of the country? They could stop making “liberal elite” dirty words to half the population.

Oh, I know it is a terrible short-term business proposition. Sthareholders would hate it. They would want to replace the Board of Directors, cast out the CEO. The Dow Jones would feel the ripple.

But wouldn’t it be nice if the world were a little more purple?

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“Tapestry”: Carole King withAn Album for My Softer Side

I’ve blogged about albums from the Beatles and the Stones, Pink Floyd, Springsteen, and U2. But sometimes, Mick Jagger or Bruce can be a little harsh on the ears. At those times I can turn to mellow Crosby Stills and Nash or jazzy Steely Dan.

But a nice change of pace is to turn to albums from the fabulous female singer-songwriters of the 60’s and 70’s. The Carly Simon’ catalogue and Joni Mitchell’s Court and Spark are near the top, but can anything compare to Carole King’s 1971 multi-million selling masterpiece, Tapestry?

I didn’t know who Carole King was, but when It’s Too Late first hit the radio airwaves, I was hooked. It lasted as the best break-up song from a female singer until Adelle took a different approach to the subject with Rolling in the Deep almost 40 years later.

You’ve Got a Friend, Natural Woman, Where You Lead, Will You Love me Tomorrow are all classic songs, interpreted by many different artists, but all hanging together on Tapestry to set a mood and a time. There’s lots more great material, including Smackwater Jack and So Far Away.

The album had plenty of competition for my attention that year, and I have no objections to those who say 1971 was the greatest year in rock music. But I could only listen to so much Who’s Next or Led Zeppelin IV without needing a break from the volume. Tapestry was there for me. It became the soundtrack for a summer high school romance. And as the coup de grâce, there was even a cat on the cover. What could have been more Beautiful?

As Jon Landau said in Rolling Stone in 1971:

“(Tapestry) is an album of surpassing personal-intimacy and musical accomplishment and a work infused with a sense of artistic purpose. It is also easy to listen to and easy to enjoy.”

..and since you asked, yes we did see Beautiful on Broadway a few years ago, with Jessie Mueller in her star turn as Carole King. It’s a fun biomusical, filled with many wonderful songs and King’s story of love, hurt, and competition. See it if you can.

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10 Movie Quotes I Never Need to Hear Again, With a Bonus Number 11

With the election and all of its rhetoric heating up, I know I need to take a step back and cool off.

We are a nation of pop culture. There are symphonies, but I don’t know many people who go to them. There are lectures on serious subjects, but I don’t know many people who go to those either. But everyone I know goes to movies or has their favorite guilty television pleasure. That’s the vernacular we all speak.

That makes movie quotes a societal shorthand. A word or a short phrase can convey as much meaning as a Shakespearian soliloquy. But when the same line gets used over and over again, I think it gets tiring and I start to feel the speaker or writer or commentator is just getting lazy. Here are 10 movie quotes that I could gladly bid hasta la vista, baby.

You do know what movie each of these if from, don’t you?

TEN MOVIE LINES I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF

Show me the money.
Here’s Johny!
I’ll have what she’s having.
They’re here!
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
There’s no crying in baseball.
I see dead people.
I feel the need…for speed.
I’m king of the world!
I’ll be back.

And our Bonus Number Eleven: E-LEV-EN

What quotes would you like to see gone for good?

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The Wendie Malick Effect. Is It Synchronicity?

wendie-malick-and-ian-hunter — Wendie Malick and Ian Hunter

Tuesday morning. Hear the Elle King song “Shame.” Try to remember which former “Saturday Night Live” cast member is her father, David Spade or Rob Schneider. Look up David Spade online and start reading about his 1990’s sitcom “Just Shoot Me.” See the cast list of Spade, George Segal, Laura San Giacomo, and Wendie Malick. Haven’t thought of most of them in years. Wonder what happened to Wendie Malick.

Tuesday evening. Watching the first few moments of “This is Us” with Barb. Flashback scene to Toby’s youth. Briefly see a face that isn’t one of the regular cast members. She looks familiar, but can’t quite place her. The opening credits roll, and damn if there isn’t a new name is on the cast list. You guessed it, it’s Wendie Malick. An actress who hasn’t been on even the fringes of my mind, and suddenly there she is, twice in one day.

So what is this? Is it a coincidence? Is it synchronicity? Is it just one of those things? How often does it happen to you? Something that is completely inexplicable, something that is statistically unlikely, but it happens none the less.

It’s like our New York City experience. On three separate occasions, we have randomly bumped into different relatives while on one of our weekend jaunts. True, the cousin who tapped on my shoulder in a movie theater was living in New York at the time, but the other two are from Chicago. What are the odds of running across them in a city of 8 million, most of whom seem to be crowding into Manhattan at the same time?

Or how about my frequent music experience? Lin Brehmer on WXRT will start my morning playing something relatively obscure like an Ian Hunter song from the ’70’s. During my lunchtime workout on the treadmill, the same darn song will pop up on my Pandora station. And by the time I am driving home that evening, Me-TV will be playing the same rarity. A “Once Bitten Twice Shy” Triple Play? Can it all be just a sonic coincidence?

As a non-believer in pseudoscience, I have to know these are all just highly unlikely incidents that happened for no particular reason. There isn’t a cosmic force twisting and altering the space-time continuum that makes me intersect with Wendie Malick twice in one day. And I expect I will go the rest of my life without coming across another reference to Laura San Giacomo.

But if Ian Hunter just happens to be in the neighborhood and knocks on the laboratory door asking for directions tomorrow, you best believe I am going to start playing the lottery…

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After 62 Years, is “My Fair Lady” is Still Loverly?

my-fair-lady-1956-2018 — Lauren Ambrose and Harry Hadden-Paton in the Lincoln Center production of My Fair Lady.

When the orchestra began the Overture, I felt the tears in my eyes. After 62 years, I was sitting on Broadway (The Vivian Beaumont Theatre at Lincoln Center, fifth-row center) watching a gorgeous production of My Fair Lady.

“So what?” most of you will say. Isn’t that some old musical about some old guy who takes advantage of a young woman? There’s no hip-hop. There are no juke-box favorites from the 60’s or 70’s. No sorcerers or green witches or Disney Princesses. Who cares about this old dinosaur?

Me, me, me! My Fair Lady debuted in 1956, the same year I was born. I grew up with the soundtrack album. The picture of George Bernard Shaw on the cover, the puppet-master/God to Henry Higgins and Liza Doolittle played by Rex Harrison and an almost-new-comer named Julie Andrews. Julie-f’in Andrews! Not on the screen as magical Mary Poppins, or as sweet-as-sugar Maria von Trapp, but live on stage as Eliza, the “gutter-snipe” who learns to become a lady.

I can sing every song, every word, and frequently have. From the fun of “A Little Bit of Luck,” through the schmaltz of “On the Street Where You Live,” to the sadness and self-realization of “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face.” I knew them all by the time I was five years old.

And here I was sitting and watching the giant stage with Higgins’ home revolving in front of me; clapping for the show-stopping raunchy chorus celebrating Alfred Doolittle’s last night of freedom before marriage; admiring Liza’s stunning performance at the Embassy Ball. It took all of my will-power, and a stern hand on my arm from Barb, for me not to stand up sing along.

We saw one of the last productions featuring Lauren Ambrose as Eliza. She will be replaced soon by Laura Benanti. We first saw Laura in Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown. I am sure she appreciates working with slightly better material this time around! Harry Hadden-Paton and Norbert Leo Butz were great in the other lead roles. Can I help it if I kept wondering what it would have been like to be in the theater for Julie and Rex in 1956?

On our walk back to the hotel after the show, there was time for discussion of the historical and sociological underpinnings of the show and its relevancy in the #metoo movement moment. They are relevant points. But for three hours I was in another world. And I loved it.

Thanks for the pre-anniversary surprise, Babe!

And to all you readers, what is your favorite Broadway memory?

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Another Full and Complete Investigation. Are These the 5 Rules?

Happy days, it’s time for another investigation! In case you haven’t been following the news, Jamal Khashoggi, a correspondent for the Washington Post and critic of the Saudi Arabian Royal Family disappeared on October 2nd after entering the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul, Turkey. It is widely believed he was murdered by a Saudi hit squad, with the knowledge of the Saudi royals.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo met today with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, who denied knowledge of the alleged assassination. This was followed by tweets from President Trump stating:

Just spoke with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia who totally denied any knowledge of what took place in their Turkish Consulate. He was with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo during the call, and told me that he has already started, and will rapidly expand, a full and complete investigation into this matter. Answers will be forthcoming shortly.

But I think the “full and complete investigation” may come with some limitations. Based on recent history we can assume:

The investigation must be completed in 72 hours.
No members of the Saudi Royal Family may be interviewed.
The suspected Saudi killers (they were reportedly seen on video) may not be interviewed.
Any evidence discovered in the Saudi Consulate in Ankara may not be considered.
The investigators must ignore any evidence presented by women.

You say that may result in a biased and inaccurate investigation? Now what ever gave you that idea?

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Democrats Seek Hoaxer for Nation-Wide Opportunity

trump-and-blasey — President Trump calls Dr. Ford’s allegations a hoax.

It was all a Democrat inspired hoax! At least that is what President Trump now has to say about Christine Blasey Ford and her allegations against Brett Kavanaugh.

Wondering how those sly Democrats (almost) pulled it off I decided to do some research. I hit paydirt when I found the following want ad in the July 10th edition of the Tribune, just a day after the Kavanaugh nomination. It was listed under the category of “Jobs No One Could be Paid Enough To Do.”

The want ad read:

Wanted: Middle-aged professional woman to play the role of “hoaxer” in the nationally televised production of Let’s Screw Brett Kavanaugh.

The successful candidate for this position must:

Have no history of political activity.
Have attended high school in 1982-1983 in the vicinity of Georgetown Preparatory School.
Have previously discussed with husband and therapist a fraudulent attempted sexual assault against her while a high school student.
Be willing to compose phony letters describing above and submitting them to her congressional representatives.
Have the ability to illegitimately pass a polygraph (lie detector) examination verifying the above.
Be willing to have her name released to the media.
Be willing to face death threats.
Be willing to relocate her home and go into hiding.
Be able to testify in a Senate hearing in a manner that the President of the United States might call “compelling” and “very credible.”

Salary negotiable.

Please apply to Democratic National Committee or The Deep State. You know where to find us!

Poor Dr. Ford. I’m sure it is one job application she wishes she had passed up.
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