Was it COVID Brain Fog or Writers Block?

It’s time to let the creative juices flow once more!

It's been a while since I have done it.
Put words to the page and then I've spun it.
Sending to readers a timely missive.
Hoping my followers aren't too dismissive.

I'm not sure of precise causation
That caused two weeks of blog cessation.
What was it kept my fingers napping
Instead of on the keyboard tapping.

It started when two lines appeared
On the COVID test I'd commandeered.
The first line meant the test was working.
The second confirmed the virus's lurking.

Two Moderna shots then double boosted.
Yet still in my nose the microbe roosted.
With coughs and sneezes and feeling sickly.
Into quarnatine I disappeared quickly.

So empty moments were now my friend.
Hours  of leisure I thought I'd spend.
Writing blogs 'bout things that were popping.
I might have been sick but the world was not stopping.

My mind was all foggy, could not concentrate at
The things going on that I'd want to debate at.
But now it's much better and I'm seeing clearly
Here are some things I missed most severly.

There were hearings in DC that were causing a ruckus
They told how Trump and his friends were trying to f*ck us.
Thanks to Adam, Elaine and of course Ms Liz Cheney.
We were sure mesmerized learning about how insane he.

The planet is hotter, it's like a fire pit glowing
Who knows just what to our kids we're bestowing.
Heat waves, deadly storms, and still the President's action
Was blocked by refrains from coal's friend Hot Joe Manchin.

But up in the cosmos there was such delight
As the Webb telescope provided a sight.
Of the universe edges as they were at formation
I say it's Big Bang, some say God's creation.

Those topics I missed while my brain it was snoozing
So my silence for weeks I hope your excusing.
I'll do what I can to get back up to snuff.
For reading this verse, I can't thank you enough.

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COVID-19. A year in the life.

One year. One long, never-ending, never-repeatable year.

One year ago I told the story of our shopping trip to Woodman’s, as a maskless, non-socially-distanced, throng filled the aisles and their shopping carts with paper towels and toilet paper and anything else they thought would help them in a long siege. Our year of Covid-19 had begun.

I sit here now, as one of the fully-vaccinated, physically undamaged, lucky survivors. No one close to me lost their lives, indeed, I have to think hard to come up with anyone in my circle who even tested positive.

We never closed the lab, though we limited our on-site staffing in the early days. We never stopped seeing our children and grandchildren, with drive-bys graduating to driveway and back yard visits, then in-garage celebrations, and eventually, small gatherings in the kitchen.

We voted (by mail.) We mastered many difficult jigsaw puzzles (and gave up on some impossible ones.) We wrote haiku and parody songs and scripted our favorite TV shows. And we binge-watched. Oh, how we binge-watched. Who knew there were so many dramedies coming out of Australia! We cooked.

We avoided one pet while gaining another, the dog who has grown and grown both in his own body and in our hearts. We have joined Boards, volunteered, and served on committees, now knowing enough to mute our microphones on interminable Zoom calls.

And what have we learned? The pleasure of welcoming our friends and neighbors to our socially distanced back yard, instead of trying to converse in a noisy restaurant. That many movies are just as good at home as at a multi-plex. That books can still take us away from our everyday life. That science will win out–but not always right away.

My thoughts go out to all of you who have suffered much much more. The fact that we have turned a corner may be no solace to those of you who have lost a mother or father, lost a job, lost financial security. Still, I pray we are all on our way to a better place and time.

Seinfeld: The Vaccine

Setting: Jerry’s Apartment
Jerry: Did you get it?
George: I got it.
Jerry: Where did you get it?
George: I got it in my arm, where do you think I got it!
Jerry: No–I mean where did you go to get it?
George: I went to the Clinic.
Jerry: Oh, the Clinic.
George: What’s wrong with going to the Clinic.
Jerry: Oh nothing, you know it’s just…
George: Just what?
Jerry: They treat things there.
George: I didn’t go to get TREATED. I went for the vaccine!
Jerry: Who gave you the shot? A nurse?
George: I don’t know, she was wearing a white coat. I think she was a nurse. I don’t know. I didn’t ask. You know how I feel about authority figures. Especially in white coats.
Jerry: Yeah, you melt and you fantasize.
George: No fantasies! No fantasies! I was thinking about my health.
Jerry: So did she give you the “pinch?”
George: The “pinch?”
Jerry: Yeah. They lift up the skin on your arm jab the needle in there.
George: Now that you mention it, yes I got the “pinch.”
Jerry: Hmmm
George: What’s hmmm?
Jerry: I read that the “pinch” makes it less effective.
George: Oh great, so I went to the Clinic, waited two hours, and now I’m still gonna get the virus? You kill me Jerry, you just kill me.
Jerry: It won’t be me, George.
Buzzer rings
Elaine’s voice comes over the intercom: Let me up, Jerry.
Jerry pushes the door buzzer button and Elaine bursts into the room and does a happy dance.
Jerry: Look at that, I think she’s infected.
Elaine: I got it, I got it.
George: Did they give you the “pinch?”
Elaine: Hell no–they give you that you die anyway.
George sinks his head into his hands, mumbles.
Elaine: They gave it to me in my car, and then I had to sit in my car for another 30 minutes to show I wouldn’t pass out.
Jerry: Wasted time?
Elaine: No–the tech who gave me the shot was sort of sexy so I…
Jerry: Oh you…
Elaine: It was a good half-hour.
Knock on the door.
Newman’s voice from outside the door: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry swings the door open: Hello, Newman.
Newman to Elaine: I saw you there. And I saw that smile on your face. I know what you were doing.
Elaine: And what else did you see.
Newman: Nothing.
Elaine: And that’s all you are going to see…ever.
Kramer explodes into the room, carrying a metallic contraption.
Kramer: Have you seen the lines? It’s taking them waaay too long. But I’m going to do something about it.
Jerry: And what is that, dare I ask?
Kramer: I made this auto-shooter. It takes my shooter half the time that it takes a nurse to give the vaccine.
George: Is it battery operated?
Kramer: No, you have to plug it in. Let me show you.
Kramer pulls out a power cord, plugs into a wall outlet, sparks crackle, and the room goes dark.
Camera pans out to the whole building, and then the whole city, all going dark.
George: Why did she have to give me the “pinch?”

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COVIDERATA (discovered deep under Stonehenge)

Coviderata

Always remember to cover your nose,
Or your mask is malarky.
You might never again shake someone’s hand,
but you may kiss the air around their cheek.
George Carlin was half right,
those more cautious than you are not maniacs,
but those less cautious ARE idiots.
Take care in crowded and indoor locations,
the person on your left might sneeze,
and his elbow is pointed at you.
With Facetime and Zoom you can be blessed.
But 5-hour meetings are tiresome, especially with your grandmother.
If pro soccer is canceled this year and next,
why would America care?
Gray roots are fashionable. If you live in England they are grey.
The loss of a school year for our children,
works best for the braniacs
who don’t need second grade.
If you have products to sell don’t be gouging,
for Karma will find you in time
and Yoko can be a bitch.
Injecting unproven pharma
can be a prelude to embalming,
but might interest some people.
Most of us are in this together,
Unless you have fled to New Zealand
or to Gilligan’s Island with the Professor.
Funny COVID song parodies have had their time,
but are no longer timely
and rarely funny.
If the NBA can play in a bubble,
can Little League play in a Sno-Globe?
Vaccines = good,
especially on a triple-word score.
Be at peace with your friends, your family, and the uninformed;
just remember there is always an “Unfriend” button.
This is what happens when no one hosts the Oscars.
Ricky Gervais would have saved us,
or maybe Kevin Hart.

Be happy, and never again eat a bat.
You are a friend of the universe.

With appropriate apologies to
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

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photo credit: jjamv 1-P1290747 via photopin (license)

Paper Memories of the Week Before COVID-19

This weekend I opened my wallet to hand a $10 bill to Barb and discovered a few folded-up receipts–receipts I had jammed into the wallet as I left each of the last 3 restaurants we had dined in. Each brought back memories of the life that was just beginning to change.

The oldest receipt, dated March 6th, was from Once Upon a Grill, a local deli-grill, where we had a headed for some Friday night chicken soup to ease Barb’s post-strep sore throat. The parking lot was devoid of its usual kamikaze drivers; the older patrons who made every visit to the undersized parking lot a challenge had started staying home.

Next was a March 10th receipt from Cooper’s Hawk. The parking lot was only half-filled and the usual crowd of singles at the winebar was notably thinner than usual as people missed out on an almost-last-chance to connect.

The last reminder was a March 14th receipt from Wildfire, our favorite go-to restaurant. That night we had no trouble getting last-minute reservations for a spur-of-the-moment night out with neighbors. The restaurant, rather than being packed Saturday night solid, was at least 2/3 empty. Barb shuddered when a passing waitress coughed into her hand and didn’t disagree when I predicted that this would be our last meal sitting in a restaurant for a long, long, time.

It is now seven weeks since I savored my last Wildfire Barrel-Aged Old Fashioned. We all know how Chicago, how America, how the world, has turned upside down since then. In comparison, Barb and I have been pretty much spared. None of our family or close friends have been afflicted with COVID-19. The losses I hear about are second or third hand or read about in the digital newspapers I subscribe to.

My medical group and my lab continue to function, and new challenges arrive to keep my mind occupied. Barb may be an Occupational Therapist without a current occupation, but the house has never been cleaner. And we are fortunate to have both kids and their families close enough for both drive-by and driveway visits. Birthday parties and Seders may have been reduced to Zooming, but we have all been healthy as we sing Happy Birthday or Let My People Go.

The restaurant dinners have been primarily replaced by home-prepared meals (we still grocery shop in person) though we have been treating ourselves to carry-out once a week. Lou Malnati’s Pizza is till the best, even in a pandemic. A drive downtown, picking dinner up from a Michelin-starred restaurant, makes a nice weekend outing. And we donate and offer assistance where we can.

Now states are beginning to loosen restrictions. Old medications and historic vaccines are being investigated as a potential bridge to a new generation of therapeutics and immunizations. Curves are being bent, if not fully flattened. In the midst of fear, there is hope. And I hope that the day will come soon when I sit in my favorite booth at Wildfire and raise my Old Fashioned in a toast to each of you who have made it with me through to the other side, and remembering those who have not.

And to the day when I am happy to see my wallet filled with more receipts and joyous memories.

For more COVID thoughts click here. Or here.

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G Rated Limericks for an X-Rated COVID-19 Time.

These limericks are all pure. It is the topic that is unfortunately obscene!

Dr. Fauci and Pritzker suggesting
That my lab should be doing some testing
But we can’t get machines
By any old means
I’m just worn out from all my requesting!

The virtual meetings are endless
While on transportation we spend less
Please use Facetime or Zoom
To dispel all your gloom
Or else you might end up as friendless.

It’s legal now to smoke chronic
The best stuff is grown hydroponic
But since COVID requires
I control my desires
I’ll stick to a cold Gin & Tonic.

Campaigning is tough for Joe Biden
But there’s something he’s got to decide in
He must choose his VP
A she, not a he
The White House someday she’ll preside in.

The downtown streets are all empty
But getting there just doesn’t tempt me
The rats are emerging
In big waves they’re converging
Don’t want them to all rub against me.

The swans on our pond are reposing
How many eggs in their nest not disclosing
They really can’t care less
About our COVID 19 mess
For them, it’s the geese they’re opposing.

We spend lots of time doing puzzles
While coffee and tea we both guzzle
The crosswords are tough
And Sudoku’s enough
To exercise every brain muscle.

If it’s in our house we have cleaned it
We have dusted and polished and sheened it
But to our great dismay
From March up till May
There is no one around who has seen it.

If you’re on the front lines we extoll you
Don’t want anything bad to control you
In your jobs please be safe
Though those face masks do chafe
You don’t need a virus to mole through.

Or if you prefer haiku. And as always, be safe out there!

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Swan photograph credit: Barbara Raff

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We Need Good COVID Tests and Testing. A Pathologist’s View.

Lucks is working on a new Covid test. — Julius Lucks of Northwestern University. Picture courtesy of Chicago Tribune.

As a long-time practicing pathologist certified by the American Board of Pathology in Clinical and Anatomic Pathology and the current Medical Director of a large physician’s office laboratory, I have been intimately involved in introducing a variety of testing to patients throughout Chicagoland for the last 40 years. Usually, it is a slow, meticulous project. Decisions need to be made on proper instrumentation and proper chemical reagents. Adequate lab space needs to be set-up with appropriate temperature and humidity control. For the newest tests we are introducing, even the air pressure needs to be monitored. Proper training for our technicians and technologists includes verification of competency for each new test we introduce.

And tests must be validated. We must show that test results are reproducible and precise–testing a specimen multiple times must yield the same result. We need to ensure that for the population of patients that we are testing, the test is sensitive–those with the condition we are testing for should have a positive result, and specific–those without the conditions should test negative. Our lab should get the same results as other labs doing the same test on the same specimen with the same instrument. In short, we don’t just flip a switch and hope for the best. And this is all AFTER the FDA has already approved the test.

That’s is what worries me about some of the products that are on the market for COVID-19 testing. We lack a gold standard for the “best” test and we don’t really know what the best specimen type (nasal swab, sputum, saliva) will turn out to be. And because of the (necessary) rush to market, some manufacturers and the FDA are short-cutting approval processes. When there is talk of having the thousands of small commercial labs around the country getting involved in using these unregulated tests, I shudder.

For example, this week I was contacted by the owner of one of those small labs, a businessman who didn’t seem to have any knowledge of good laboratory practice. He needed a Medical Director of his lab so that the lab could run a cheap, non-FDA approved test for COVID-19 antibodies. I made my pitch for good laboratory practice, detailing lots of things he had never heard of or considered. It became clear by the end of our 15-minute conversation that I was not the pathologist for him.

But not all is dire. There are many excellent labs, large and small, around the country. And I have hope that the brilliant minds around the country will be developing the tests we need. I particularly noticed an article about Northwestern (Go Cats!) University professor Julius Lucks at the Center for Synthetic Biology who, with his colleagues and the assistance of a National Science Foundation rapid research grant, is working on a new methodology for identifying the SARS-CoV-2 virus. I wish Lucks and his team success in developing the test, and I hope that it can be properly vetted and utilized.

Our testing needs to be better than flipping a coin. I’ve made a career out of that belief.

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More Covid-19 Haiku For Today

As we struggle in our second month, the syllable count is not quite as precise as in the first edition. Just as life will never again be as smooth.

SPRING

Though April is the cruelest month.
We mustn’t become a wasteland
Of hollow city streets.

VACCINES

Hope for tiny pinpricks
To keep the viral bits at bay
And pray that no other comes.

LEADERS
I am not a student
Of our presidential history
But some would have done better.

STREAMING

Now the greatest challenge
For homebound’s brain to decipher
Watch Hulu, Netflix, or Prime?

MASKING

Our eyes peer out bravely
Over narrow strips of cloth and paper
Looking for friendly smiles.

DISTANCE

We walk a looping road
Measuring a mile each time we circuit
Six feet is so far apart.

ANTIBODIES

At U of I Med we were taught
About the immunoglobulins M and G.
Now the whole world is learning.

EXPERTS

When EF Hutton talked
People listened to their good advice
But Dr. Fauci’s is better.

SANITIZERS

Hand washing can chafe
While alcoholic disinfectants
Leave an irritating tang.

FUTURE

We don’t forfeit our hope
We use it all up and then we remember
Hope is a renewable energy

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