Our Devil Dogs Did It. The Geese Have Flown.

Our silhouette dogs rest up until next spring.

The wind is howling. The rain is slashing down. Lightning and thunder flash and rumble in the distance. The tree leaves seem to be changing from green to yellow to red simultaneously. They fall and block sewer grates, leaving rivulets of rainwater in the street. Almost every lawn in the neighborhood is decorated with orange pumpkins, streaming spider webs, and multicolored blow-up spooks, bouncing back-and-forth and up-and-down in the violent hurricane breezes.

Autumn is here in all its power and glory. And my silhouette dogs have fallen into the mud.

But what a year those dogs have had! While our real canine, the magnificent Cooper, could do nothing to keep the geese off our driveway and its surroundings, our two cardboard cutouts, Cerebrus One and Cerebrus Two, were ever vigilant, creating an invincible shield. Day and night they rotated on their stakes, rocking and bobbing, and convincing the neighborhood geese that to defy them would be to cross through the gates of hell. As it turned out, no honking, squawking, fouling fowl was willing to risk its mortal soul. And now the geese have left for their winter lodgings.

After I picked Cerebrus One and Cerebrus Two from the mud I stored them inside our garage. Perhaps Barb and I will paint ghoulish grins on them and set them up on the ground near our front door so they can haunt our local trick-or-treaters. Or maybe we will set a witch astride one of them to complete the hellhound look. Or maybe we will just let them sit out the rest of the season, warm and dry beneath the garage heater.

One thing is for certain. Come the spring, my laminated pups will be back on patrol, rockin’ and rollin’ for all the neighbors, and keeping the geese at bay. They are our champions.

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Those Darn Geese are Leaving and Other Good News!

I told you about our anti-goose dog silhouette project. Most of you doubted it would work. People regaled me with their own experiences. “The phony dogs won’t keep away the real geese,” our readers honked.

But guess what. It has been two weeks now. And our driveway is poop-free (most of the time.) There have been two exceptions, but those have been on days that I didn’t have a chance to relocate the silhouettes. (The instructions state to move them daily.)

As long as I follow the rules, the geese do seem intimidated by the black cut-outs as they rotate in the wind around their wooden stakes. The foul fowl will still approach our driveway but not venture onto it for the purpose of leaving a deposit.

As a secondary benefit, the geese seem to be spending less time in the subdivision. They are making less of a racket and not snarling as much traffic. The feathered freaks haven’t evacuated the area entirely–two phony dogs aren’t enough to clear a couple of hundred acres. But the Homeowners Association may consider adding a few more of the silent sentinels around the neighborhood next year and turn our little corner of Riverwoods into a goose-free zone.

Follow-up #2: The Lettuce Entertain You Dining Points. Our hosts on the evening in question read the original blog. They graciously suggested I contact LEYE and claim the points for my own Frequent Diner account. I did, and I have received a tidy number of credits. Thanks, Cara and Ken, the next time we dine out it’s on us!

Follow-up #3: The producers of Jeopardy! have made their selection. It takes two–Mike Richards and Mayim Bialik–to replace the late Alex Trebek. As for me, I am still waiting for my phone call for a tryout. I guess I will need to create my own game show in my quest to be a TV quizmaster. Does anyone have any suggestions?

And on a closing personal note, congratulations to our daughter and son-in-law Laury and Alex on the birth of their beautiful baby daughter. This is grandchild #4 for Barb and me and we are thrilled. Being Nana and Baba is such a wonderful part of our identity.

To all our readers, be kind, get vaccinated, stay well. Talk to you next time.

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Will The Geese Get Gone?

Duck, duck, goose.

Five years ago I talked Barb into leaving our home of 25 years and doing a bit of downsizing, shrinking both our square footage and my daily commute. Barb’s biggest must-have was a spot with some visual interest; something like a house on a pond.

We found the pond, we bought our lot, we built our house. All has gone swimmingly. But the beautiful, calm, relaxing pond is also the source of our biggest annoyance. As a kid I loved Garfield Goose; as a senior, I hate all geese.

Migrating geese have always made their summer home in the area. The Homeowners Association rents pairs of swans for each of the subdivision’s three ponds, in an attempt to keep the geese away. And through the years the swans have been moderately successful in their task.

This summer has been different. Our swan pair did not breed, and since they have no cygnets to protect, they have minimal interest in keeping the geese at bay. In fact, the swans’ performance has been downright lackadaisical. I am giving a thumbs down for this years’ Swan Lake.

And without the Swan Police, the geese have been having their most prolific season ever. Three brooding pairs with a total of 15 goslings, none name Ryan, reside around our house.

So 21 geese in total, the babies now as big as their parents. The geese block traffic. The geese honk. And the geese poop. Oh lord, how they poop. Viscous, lumpy, black, green, and white poop. All over our lawn. All over our driveway. I am so ready to foie gras those damn pests.

Barb and I hose down the driveway five or six times a day, and within 20 minutes the geese have reloaded it. They tend to scatter when Cooper our labradoodle is out, but they return as soon as he disappears into the house. And when Cooper is outside he loves eating all that poop. Don’t ask me to describe what it does to his GI system.

I have been scouring the Internet and the aisles of Home Depot and Menards looking for the best goose repellant. Lots of geese-ridding chemicals are advertised, but the reviews say they don’t work, and who wants to use more toxic, staining, chemicals anyhow. Solar-powered strobe lights and electronic bird noises are sold as deterrents, but the lights are too intrusive and the noises too eerie.

After weeks of suffering, I found a product I am willing to take a chance on. Dog Decoys. Silhouettes of dogs, life-sized, meant to be loosely anchored to wooden stakes and allowed to rock’n’roll in the breeze, are advertised to scare away the geese. They are a counterpart of the blow-up owls many neighbors hang from their eaves to chase away woodpeckers.

I ordered two, and they arrived yesterday. I hammered their posts into the ground, said a little Bracha over them, and hopefully, said goodbye to Cooper’s goose-poop-smorgasbord.

Will this work? Day one has been a success. Our driveway is clean and shiny. But is this a long-term solution? I don’t know, but I promise to pass the word when I find out!

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