COVID-19. A year in the life.

The Corona Virus–one year in.

One year. One long, never-ending, never-repeatable year.

One year ago I told the story of our shopping trip to Woodman’s, as a maskless, non-socially-distanced, throng filled the aisles and their shopping carts with paper towels and toilet paper and anything else they thought would help them in a long siege. Our year of Covid-19 had begun.

I sit here now, as one of the fully-vaccinated, physically undamaged, lucky survivors. No one close to me lost their lives, indeed, I have to think hard to come up with anyone in my circle who even tested positive.

We never closed the lab, though we limited our on-site staffing in the early days. We never stopped seeing our children and grandchildren, with drive-bys graduating to driveway and back yard visits, then in-garage celebrations, and eventually, small gatherings in the kitchen.

We voted (by mail.) We mastered many difficult jigsaw puzzles (and gave up on some impossible ones.) We wrote haiku and parody songs and scripted our favorite TV shows. And we binge-watched. Oh, how we binge-watched. Who knew there were so many dramedies coming out of Australia! We cooked.

We avoided one pet while gaining another, the dog who has grown and grown both in his own body and in our hearts. We have joined Boards, volunteered, and served on committees, now knowing enough to mute our microphones on interminable Zoom calls.

And what have we learned? The pleasure of welcoming our friends and neighbors to our socially distanced back yard, instead of trying to converse in a noisy restaurant. That many movies are just as good at home as at a multi-plex. That books can still take us away from our everyday life. That science will win out–but not always right away.

My thoughts go out to all of you who have suffered much much more. The fact that we have turned a corner may be no solace to those of you who have lost a mother or father, lost a job, lost financial security. Still, I pray we are all on our way to a better place and time.

Seinfeld: The Vaccine

Setting: Jerry’s Apartment
Jerry: Did you get it?
George: I got it.
Jerry: Where did you get it?
George: I got it in my arm, where do you think I got it!
Jerry: No–I mean where did you go to get it?
George: I went to the Clinic.
Jerry: Oh, the Clinic.
George: What’s wrong with going to the Clinic.
Jerry: Oh nothing, you know it’s just…
George: Just what?
Jerry: They treat things there.
George: I didn’t go to get TREATED. I went for the vaccine!
Jerry: Who gave you the shot? A nurse?
George: I don’t know, she was wearing a white coat. I think she was a nurse. I don’t know. I didn’t ask. You know how I feel about authority figures. Especially in white coats.
Jerry: Yeah, you melt and you fantasize.
George: No fantasies! No fantasies! I was thinking about my health.
Jerry: So did she give you the “pinch?”
George: The “pinch?”
Jerry: Yeah. They lift up the skin on your arm jab the needle in there.
George: Now that you mention it, yes I got the “pinch.”
Jerry: Hmmm
George: What’s hmmm?
Jerry: I read that the “pinch” makes it less effective.
George: Oh great, so I went to the Clinic, waited two hours, and now I’m still gonna get the virus? You kill me Jerry, you just kill me.
Jerry: It won’t be me, George.
Buzzer rings
Elaine’s voice comes over the intercom: Let me up, Jerry.
Jerry pushes the door buzzer button and Elaine bursts into the room and does a happy dance.
Jerry: Look at that, I think she’s infected.
Elaine: I got it, I got it.
George: Did they give you the “pinch?”
Elaine: Hell no–they give you that you die anyway.
George sinks his head into his hands, mumbles.
Elaine: They gave it to me in my car, and then I had to sit in my car for another 30 minutes to show I wouldn’t pass out.
Jerry: Wasted time?
Elaine: No–the tech who gave me the shot was sort of sexy so I…
Jerry: Oh you…
Elaine: It was a good half-hour.
Knock on the door.
Newman’s voice from outside the door: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry swings the door open: Hello, Newman.
Newman to Elaine: I saw you there. And I saw that smile on your face. I know what you were doing.
Elaine: And what else did you see.
Newman: Nothing.
Elaine: And that’s all you are going to see…ever.
Kramer explodes into the room, carrying a metallic contraption.
Kramer: Have you seen the lines? It’s taking them waaay too long. But I’m going to do something about it.
Jerry: And what is that, dare I ask?
Kramer: I made this auto-shooter. It takes my shooter half the time that it takes a nurse to give the vaccine.
George: Is it battery operated?
Kramer: No, you have to plug it in. Let me show you.
Kramer pulls out a power cord, plugs into a wall outlet, sparks crackle, and the room goes dark.
Camera pans out to the whole building, and then the whole city, all going dark.
George: Why did she have to give me the “pinch?”

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What Keeps Me Up at Night? Can I Just Get it Through the Door.

Photo Courtesy Chicago Tribune

Did you know me in the summer and fall of 2005? I was on my way out of Holy Family Medical Center and creating the UroPartners Lab. We were leasing an office suite in a commercial building with the goal of transforming it into a laboratory that would pass muster with the Illinois Department of Public Health and earn the stamp of approval of Medicare and the College of American Pathologists. I had a thorough knowledge of what was needed, a reasonable budget, a cracker-jack team I was bringing with me from Holy Family, and a business consultant to boot.

So why wasn’t it my finest hour? Why wasn’t  I reveling in the White Sox World Series Championship season? Why did a trip to Milwaukee to see Paul McCartney seem like a trip to hell? Why couldn’t I sleep at night? I was worried about just one thing. What if we couldn’t fit the equipment through the door? Was I going to wind up with a lab in a parking lot?

Of course, that didn’t happen–everything worked out fine, and we have had a 5-star high-quality lab here inside the building for the last 16 years. But those nightmares had been haunting me again for the last few days…

A lab like ours needs a backup power system, particularly to make sure that our refrigerators and freezers containing patient samples and expensive reagents don’t degrade during a power failure. While I would love an inline generator, some investigation in the past has shown the cost to be more than we could bear. Instead, we installed a backup battery system that during a power failure can power red outlets throughout the lab that control the refrigerators, the freezers, and some incubators in microbiology as well. It has served us well, but after ten years of juice the company that installed and maintained the system, let’s call them Power Is Us,  told us the unit was badly outdated, and we agreed to purchase a replacement.

PIU hired a freight company, NoWay,  to pick up the new unit from the PIU Wisconsin plant and deliver it to the lab. This was to be a two-stage process, with the unit to be first taken to Badway’s warehouse near O’Hare, and then delivered to the lab on a subsequent day. Easy-peasy, right? After all, we are only 15 minutes away from NoWay’s warehouse.

I did have a few requirements. One, I needed delivery to be between 8 am and noon, when we had a staff available to unload a couple of pallets worth of equipment and heavy batteries. And two, we don’t have a loading dock, so the delivery had to be with a lift-gate truck. All this was conveyed to NoWay, and the delivery date confirmed. And what happened?

  • Scheduled delivery date 1: No delivery “Our truck didn’t leave the yard until 11:30 so we knew we couldn’t get to you by 12:00.”
  • Scheduled delivery date 2: No delivery. At 4 pm, the last person in the lab is heading out the door when she gets a call.  “We’ll be there a little later. We have until midnight, right?” Um, no. 12 pm means noon, not midnight!
  • Scheduled delivery date 3: No delivery. “Our driver didn’t think his truck would fit in your parking lot, so he just drove away.” (In fifteen years, no delivery truck has ever had a problem getting into our lot.)

So yeah, pretty frustrated by this point. The good news? PIU has agreed to deliver the unit to us themselves, take it off the palettes, and put it into place. It is what they did when they delivered the original system back in the day, and what I wanted them to do this time in the first place. A happy conclusion.

I’m sure I’ll get some sleep tonight.


The above are the opinions of the author and not of UroPartners LLC


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For School Boards, It’s What They Do, Not What They Say That Counts

Oakley Union School District--Google Maps
Oakley Union School District–Google Maps

“My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes,” President Ronald Reagan, 1984.

“And when you’re a star, they let you do it. Grab them by the p—y. You can do anything.” Donald Trump, 2005

“It’s really unfortunate that they want to pick on us because they want their babysitters back,” Lisa Brizendine, Oakley Union Elementary School Board president, 2021.

Yup, those hot mics will catch you. Especially during this time of Zoom meetings, you better know what is being broadcast versus what is in the sanctity of your own private group.

But as a former member and president of the Board of Education of District 125, solely comprised of Stevenson High School in Lincolnshire, I sort of get it. Most people run for election to a school board not for some sort of ego trip, not for the perks (minimal) or monetary benefits (none) but to give something to their community. They spend long winter nights hearing about curriculum and the latest ‘new math” philosophy, they spend months negotiating teacher contracts, they look under rocks for the next up-and-coming superintendent superstar, who their district probably won’t have enough tax revenue to afford, anyway.

Sometimes they deal with problems of their own making, such as poor hiring, disciplinary processes, or financial planning. Sometimes it can be unequal enforcement of district boundaries or giving an athlete too much leeway. But in general, school board members follow one star–to give the students in their district the best possible education under the circumstances in which they find themselves.

And then COVID-19 comes and turns everything on its head. Follow the science, or follow the old president, or follow the new one? Think first about the students, or about the teachers, or about the parents? Or put it all in a blender and hope it turns out for the best?

So sometimes you vent. Let’s be honest. Doctors bitch about their patients, lawyers mock their clients, presidents fantasize about blowing up countries. And sometimes school board members say things they shouldn’t–but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t trying to do what is right. Judge them by what they accomplish not the sometimes foolish things they say.


Speaking of school board accomplishments, Steve Frost, Fei Shang, and Gary Gorson, three Stevenson School Board incumbents, are running as a slate for re-election in the spring election. I served with Steve and Gary, and marvel at the wonderful stewardship they have provided for the district. If you live within the bounds of District 125, please give their StevensonExcellence slate your vote on April 6th.


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An Ode to Suspenders

suspendersWhen first I walked the hospital floor
A young whipper-snapper always ready for more
I dressed to kill in my 3-piece suit
A really sharp dude, no way to dispute.

Suit coat, cool vest, and pants with neat creases,
I really shone in all those pieces
Tailored for me at my favorite store
Mark Shale in the city, had a great rapport.

And ties with a crest from a fancy designer
Cardin, Hermes, no one ever looked finer
What was holding it together, yeah making it sing?
It was my scarlet red suspenders, made me feel like a king.

Mine fastened with a button, no clips for me
Two in front, one in back, it’s 1-2-3
Who needs a belt when your pants are sitting
Just right on your hips for a perfect fitting.

In the UK you know they call them all braces
Not on their teeth, it’s the belts they replaces
Steve Urkel used to wear them on the Family Matters
Larry King had ’em on when he talked with lots of chatters.

For me times have changed and I’m dressing more cazh
Knit sweaters, tapered jeans, and all that jazz.
Got belts with metal buckles in black and brown,
Don’t have to look cool, not going downtown.

Just one problem that I’ve been noting
My body’s been changing, more weight I’m now toting
And while that’s going on, my tush is disappearing,
An old man’s figure is what I’m now rearing

Belts don’t do the job when your middle is missing
And once again it seems I find myself wishing
For suspenders to keep my pants tight on my hips
So I don’t give the world a total moony eclipse.

 


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My Mercy Memories–Not All Were Sweet

Mercy Medical Center-photo courtesy Chicago Tribune
Mercy Medical Center-photo courtesy Chicago Tribune

Mercy Medical Center filed for bankruptcy yesterday. That’s a pity for the neighborhood, losing a source of medical services in an area that lacks sufficient resources. For me, it unlocks memories from almost 45 years ago, when I had more hair, less belly, and a whole lot of medicine still to learn.

In the summer of 1977, just entering my third year of medical school at the Chicago campus of the University of Illinois, I spent a grueling summer doing an eight-week internal medicine rotation at the old U of I Hospital. I was scheduled to follow this up with another two months at the “U” doing a surgery rotation. A bird whispered in my ear that if I wanted a posher palace for my introduction to surgery, I should arrange a switch to Mercy Hospital.

At the time Mercy was part of the Metro Six, a group of community hospitals including Illinois Masonic, Lutheran General, and Weiss Hospitals with a training affiliation with the University. I applied to the Dean for a schedule change using some vague reason and about a week before my surgical rotation was about to start, got the notification that my change had been approved.

In contrast to the in-depth, hands-on patient care I experienced on the internal medicine rotation at the University Hospital, my eight weeks at Mercy was truly a posher experience. I was on a service with two surgical residents, neither of whom had much interest in teaching. I can visualize their faces, but not recall their names. I learned to do pre-op physicals, learned how to scrub into an OR, and learned how to tie surgical knots on a practice knot board. But I never held a scalpel or dislodged an internal organ. My OR time was spent suctioning body fluids, retracting fat, and somehow managing to annoy the anesthesiologist.

One unique aspect of the surgical rotation at Mercy was dog lab. As horrible as it now sounds, students and residents spent one afternoon a week in a shed on the parking lot performing surgery on canines. I don’t know where these unfortunate beasts came from, and now I can only regret my actions, but I did manage to do some bowel resections—and according to the keeper who managed the menagerie, my victims did ok post-op. The only saving grace is that since that time Barb and I have given many four-legged friends a wonderful home.

Barb also experienced Mercy. Rules were much laxer in those days, and I had no difficulty obtaining permission for her to spend a day in the hospital with me, including time in the Operating Room, a first for her. She was carefully positioned by the surgical team, not too close, but still with a view of the procedure, an inguinal herniorrhaphy on a young man. The patient was prepped, surgical drapes placed, and the scalpel wielded. As blood seeped from the incision, I heard a groan and turned to see Barb beginning to wobble. She was hustled from the OR, a victim of too much gore–hard to believe she went on to spend a career dealing with messy post-op wounds!

I never did another general surgery rotation. As I became a surgical pathologist, I realized that a better understanding of surgery would have helped me in working with surgeons during intra-operative consultations, but I had lost my chance. I will never think like a surgeon–but damn, I can tie a good knot!


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You Go On Trial Today

trump-2

 

You go on trial today.
They’ll say you incited
Your lawyers will fight it,
The riot, disquiet
In the city on the hill

Your talk was disruptive
You always did want this
The power, the glory
Your own favorite story, your quarry
Four more years laudatory
We’d all pay the bill

You have your defenders
Your fantasy blenders
With lasers more flavors
Of loony tune lies about liberal invaders
Who’d brainwash us, gun quash us
Until America was finally still

Your lawyers will story
It was all allegory
No violence no turmoil
Was ever to recoil
It was all just for fun, just to say that you won
To build up your branding, your standing, the fees you’re demanding
For your book and your speeches, ’bout living hell of impeaches
So two is better than one
When the time has come to chill

Your lawyers talk about process
Can the law really want this
Too tardy, too late, to wipe out the slate
While Constitutional scholars are betting their dollars
That it’s all elementary, to impeach is the sentry
Protecting our nation from a monster’s creation
As he delivers a poison pill

For a change you are quiet, your tweets on a diet
You won’t testify,
Won’t look in the eyes
Of the Senators, those jurors
Who will hear of your furors
And of the pretense as you challenged Mike Pence
His hiding, your chiding, over ballots presiding
He stopped being your shill.

The result is not debatable
The numbers not inflatable
Two-thirds of the Senate is not going to get it, they’ll let it
Give you your acquittal, your wrist slapped a little.
But still it is worth it, the House didn’t shirk it
You go on trial today.


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The Key to the Past

keyYesterday morning I felt something crunchy in the pocket of my blue jeans. I reached in expecting to find a crumpled receipt but instead pulled out the key to our safe deposit box in its cardboard envelope. What the heck was the valuable key doing there?

Weeks ago we had been applying for Barb’s pension from Lutheran General Hospital, where back in the 1980s, long before the days of Advocate or Aurora Healthcare Systems, she worked as an Occupational Therapist. The application required a copy of our marriage license, a document we have not been asked for in 42 years (or is it 43?)

A trip to our bank vault failed to find the license but despite the pandemic the Cook County Office of Records was able to mail me a certified copy in less than 10 days. I scanned it into my PC, mailed a copy to the pension administrator, then made another trip to the bank and placed the original in the vault. I must have jammed the key in my pocket that day and totally forgot about it–until I reached into my pocket yesterday and like Little Jack Horner I pulled out a plum.

Do many people still have bank safety deposit boxes? They are very special repositories. This last visit brought back so many memories. The box itself contains some of the remembrances, the matured US savings bonds, the decades-old mortgage documents on the houses we raised the kids in, the certificates for trees planted in my honor in Israel. But the memories weren’t all on pieces of paper.

I was flooded with memories of the First Commercial Bank, on the corner of Morse and Clark in the city. Four times a year throughout the 1960’s I would walk to the bank with my dad or mom and sister Linda. We’d enter the busy bank lobby and immediately on the left was the elevator–the first one I can remember. Mom or Dad would let one of us kids press the green button inside the elevator car and we would descend to the basement, just one story down.

In the still and quiet basement, under the unnatural glow of fluorescent lighting, we would approach a high counter, behind which would be a very serious-looking lady or gentleman. We would produce a silver key, sign a register, and be admitted through the giant steel door, a door as thick as my mother’s arm was long, into the vault.  We passed aisles and aisles, rows and rows, of metal doors, each requiring two keys. The clerk would locate our family box, twist in the keys, and lead us to a private cubicle.

What were we doing in the vault four times a year? Dad and Mom owned “coupon bonds” with interest payable 4 times a year. To claim the interest, coupons needed to be cut from the bonds and turned in to a teller in the bank, with the proceeds deposited in the family account.

I doubt it was very much money, but the ritual made it very important to me. I remember on sunny days if the four of us were together the walk included a stop at Ashkenaz for soup and a bagel. And I remember thinking we would be clipping those coupons forever.

Sadly, the last time I visited that vault was as the executor of my mom’s estate. The bonds, Mom, Dad, and Linda were all gone–but the memories of those afternoons, the walks, the elevator, the clipping, will always live in the safe deposit box of my memories. I can always reach into my jeans and find the key.


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Have You Ever Had a Dream Like This? Would it Frighten or Calm You?

mad-worldThe dreams in which I’m dying 
are the best I’ve ever had.
Roland Orzabal, 19883

It may not have been the best dream I have ever had, but considering the subject matter, it was a strangely calm one.

I was in a large building, perhaps a factory, perhaps a school dorm. Somewhere with a large food hall, and a basement as well. Lots of people milling about, all of them relaxed and friendly. I ran into some elementary school companions, they seemed a bit surprised to see me. Apparently, I had blogged that I might not attend the event, yet there I was, a bit short of information but equal in enthusiasm with the others strolling the hallways.

Soon it became clear that we were saying our goodbyes, we were all there to die. Not gruesomely, but peacefully, at some all-encompassing, worldwide event that was to happen at precisely 2:15 a.m. Central Standard Time. The vibe was that of mass suicide, but our deaths would not require any action by any of us. It was all out of our hands. The strangest part-none of us seemed to care. We were just aware of time slipping away, slipping towards the end.

When I awoke the grandfather clock in the hallway was chiming three-quarters of an hour. Remembering the dream, I quietly turned to my bedside clock, taking pains not to rouse Barb beside me in bed, or Cooper in his crate in the next room.  I was relieved to see it was now 3:45. 2:15 had passed without a ripple in the life force.

What brought on a dream in which humanity would quietly slip away in the night? Who can say what feeds our subconscious? But I know that after a day of reading newspapers, watching the TV news, and sitting through the Sunday political shows from Meet the Press to 60 Minutes, I had commented to Barb that we are doomed. If deadly, mutating COVID didn’t get us, then the inevitable violent revolution would.

But in my dream, the world ended with a whimper, not a bang. I’m just hoping it doesn’t end at all.


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This Blog Has Decided to Dump the Trump

Photoe Courtesy Chicago Tribune
Photo Courtesy Chicago Tribune

Businesses everywhere are untying themselves from Donald Trump. From  Twitter to the PGA to Deutsche Bank, Trump is out. To quote Gail Collins in the New York Times, “you get the impression a lot of people are just rooting through their offices, trying to find some minor Trump connection they could announce they’re severing.”

So let me get off the Trumpapalooza bandwagon too. “What?” you say. “You are a left-wing libber. You were never a Trump follower, contributor, or voter. What bandwagon were you ever on?”

Let me explain. As for so many in the media (am I really in the media?) many of my best-read blogs were devoted to the President. When no one else wanted a job in his administration I asked (tongue firmly in cheek) for a Cabinet position. I suggested (tongue even more firmly in cheek that Ivanka hire Barb as her personal designer. And after months of my harmless joshing, when Trump tried to drive a stake through Obamacare I wrote that it was time to repeal and replace the Donald. That proved to be the most widely read blog I have ever written.

I have written less about Trump through the succeeding years. What, after all, is the point of preaching to the choir. You, my favorite reader, already know how I feel about our leader, and most of you feel the same way. I doubt if I have changed one mind, though perhaps I have gotten a laugh or two from some of you.

And so, with one week left in the quagmire of Trumpolitik, I pledge to never again write about Donald, Ivanka, Melania, Rudy, or even Mike Pence. I promise if the name Jared appears it will be in a blog about the former Subway Guy. I give my word that there will be no talk in this blog about the 25th Amendment.

Believe me, from now on, all my blogs will be just perfect. Would I lie to you?


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